Death's wildflowers
by Her sister's keeper
Summary: Mello never asked for someone to care for-but he got one when he saves a girl named ath's determined to repay this stubborn teenager for his rescue, secretly fascinated by her redeemer.One thing's for sure-Mello's gonna get a run for his money...
1. Unlikely introductions

NOTE- THIS IS THE PRODUCT OF SHEER BOREDOM! O.k. then…. Now that we have that out of the way…

In a few words, this is a Mello & an OC pairing. (Frankly, even though yaoi is cute, I don't like yaoi pairings with Death Note. Sad, but true…)

I felt bad that Mello had no real girlfriend, so I decided to make him one. (Mello-you have met your match! Bwa-ha-ha! O.o)

I'm going to TRY to stay on track.

Enjoy…

* * *

**_Love is like wildflowers; It's often found in the most unlikely places."- Unknown_**

* * *

She knew that she didn't belong anywhere, but, as she stepped out into the night rain, she knew that she _almost _belonged at her destination, the back alleys of L.A, among other misfits, almost as lost as her.

Emphasis on the ALMOST.

The girl sighed, shoving her pale, delicate hands into her hoodie's pockets, feeling careless. That was the closest emotion to sadness she would let herself get. Blowing out her black bangs loudly, she attracted the attention of a couple drug dealers, who, for once, didn't try to sell her a joint. _Those thickheaded dweebs must've finally got it through their heads that I don't do drugs._ She thought, resisting the urge to smirk, knowing that her now late guardian would've told her the first time the drug dealers had approached her to stab them with her little switchblade in her holey jean's pocket.

_Not that I wouldn't mind, B.B.-senpai, but your advice is now futile-I know that I'd get caught for the murders, just like you. _She thought bitterly, blowing out her bangs again, sighing.

She learned a few seconds after that she needed to break her habit of thinking deeply while walking as she ran into the local gang leader, a 25 year old, 6'5, skirt chaser of a man who never took no for an answer.

"Well, well, well…Look who we have here, boys." The gang leader, otherwise known as Slasher, drawled, his hand clamping onto the girl's wrist. She winced and tugged away, trying to ditch the half brained gangsters as they laughed like idiots at her struggle. "Let me go! Let go!" She hissed, disappointed when her current mood turned what could've been threatening remark into a whine of a ninny.

Slasher snorted in amusement (a word that I, myself, doubt he could spell.) as he leaned in and proceeded to stroke the girl's cheek, watching her shudder away. "How 'bout it, babe? A night with me and you'll never be the same again…"

"NOT INTERESTED, YOU SON OF A -!" She shouted, poison lacing her words as her lip curled with disgust, pulling out her switchblade. She cried out in dismay as he knocked the knife out of her hand, glaring.

"Don't play games, little girl. Give in now or you'll get played with yourself. Ain't that right, boys?" Slasher called to the ring of men that surrounded him, smirking as they began to call dibs. The girl paled, despite her skin already having a snow shade. She knew what she was to most men- the innocent lamb, the prey that would be stolen to make the man the real predator- but yet, she couldn't grasp what her fate was to be.

To be raped by a gang and left for dead after their crime, perhaps even living to bear children of the crime?

Or to be rescued by another gang, all because of her hidden connection the events so affecting her main redeemer?

It appeared that Fate agreed with the second option.

"Playtime certainly isn't what it used to be anymore…" A casual, but mocking voice commented from a deserted doorway.

Slasher, his gang and their victim all looked up to see a blond, bowl-cutted youth step out of the shadows, older and stronger men following.

The girl's jaw grew slack as the gang idiot, an unfortunate, huge man with little to no I.Q. to speak of, stepped forward and, in a seriously mistaken gesture, felt the youth up. The girl winced as she shouted, "Idiot! Don't you know the difference between a man and a chick?"

The man stopped, his hands still resting on the youth's chest and looked back, saying, "Course I do. A guy has a dick; a girl has a vajay…" The man slowly looked to the chest he was rubbing, and went speechless with shock as he realized his mistake.

"Your Mummy never told you that girls have breasts, huh, basterd?" The boy asked, raising a pistol to gunpoint on the man.

A muffled bang later, and the boy stepped over the idiot's body, gun level to Slasher's eyes. "You have no respect for a man's personal property, huh?" The blond youth inquired, letting his glare and gun to most of the talking.

Slasher struggled to regain his nerve, muttering, "This your chick, shorty?"

Slasher soon was on the ground, blood caking his forehead, due to getting knocked in the head with the gun. The boy stood over him, girl hugged against his chest, (where she was blinking out shock at the moment) hissing at the nearly unconscious man 10 years his senior, "What's it to you, dicksucker?"

The boy's mob was now surrounding Slasher's brain-dead criminals, leveling their guns, aiming to kill at the order of their leader. The girl made an uncomfortable sound against the youth's chest, which he ignored, paying no heed to her whimper of "Don't kill them…" Instead, he covered her eyes and ears, and fired, cutting Slasher's life short.

_5 minutes later…_

The girl looked up at her rescuer, whispering, "Thank you…"

He grunted in reply, letting her go, walking back to the doorway from where he had appeared. "H-hey! Wait up!" The girl cried. The boy glanced at her from over his shoulder, glaring, "Why should I?"

She faltered before stuttering, "You don't …care to even know who you risked your life for?"

The young man barked out a laugh, letting his men go into the deserted apartment building leading to their hideout before him, stepping to face the girl.

"Why should I? You're probably gonna be dead tomorrow morning with your luck, anyways. I don't do introductions."

"B-but…! Mello!" the girl cried, eyes wide as the boy crossed the alley in 3 quick strides, backing her into a wall, slamming both hands on either side of her head, his face inches away from hers as he snarled, "How the hell do you know my name?"

Words tumbled out of the girl's mouth in a rush. "W-well, I was invited to live in Wammy's House a-and the man who came to get me showed me pictures of e-everyone there, including you! A-and I was told about you by my guardian…"

"Just who the hell did your guardian think he was?"

The girl gave him a level look, answering, "Beyond Birthday, thank you. He thought of himself as the ultimate criminal, the ultimate challenger-just like you. So he told me."

Mello backed off, scoffing. "Damn straight!" He declared as they heard police sirens coming closer. Cursing, he dragged the girl through the doorway, pushing her all the way to his hideout, relenting to her pleas of slowing down when they reached the threshold.

Leading her past his slightly confused men, (who now were wondering if Mello hadn't been lying when he claimed the girl as his.) Mello dragged her to his room, slamming the door closed before letting her wrist go. Grabbing pillows out of his closet, he turned to inform the girl that she'd be sleeping on the floor for the night, his words getting lost in his throat when he saw her collapsed on his bed. Growling, he dropped the pillows and stomped to the girl, hissing, "Get off my bed!"

She groaned in response, causing Mello to concede with his intuition to feel her forehead, pulling his hand away in dismay as a fever was discovered. Throwing his hands up in dismay, he grumbled, "Why me?"

"Sorry…" the girl mumbled, embarrassed as she sneezed and as Mello threw an extra blanket at her. "What's your name, girl?" He asked, doing a double take as she replied, "Death."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah…Beyond said that I got to name myself. And the name suits."

"Yeah- you look like death thawed over."

"Thanks."

"….That wasn't a compliment. Death…huh…weird name."

"That's why it suits. I'm weird…and I like the sound of it."

Mello stayed silent as he slightly glared at his new "burden", rolling his eyes as she snuggled into **his **pillow. _Damn…a handful already…_he thought, muttering to her "Whatever. Shut up and go to sleep."

He lowered himself to the floor and suppressed a groan of protest, considering for a millisecond of whether he should kick Death out of his bed. He brushed it off.

Damn, he wanted his bed back.


	2. Memories and pain

Chapter 2…. is up! Whoop! ^-^!

Well…I'll just get to the story…

* * *

Death floated through unconsciousness, wincing as memories replayed, over and over, burning and branding themselves into her heart, the memories feeling no pity to the scars that already stained it. She whimpered again, wishing that she could wake up and then never sleep, blink, or even _**breath **_again, knowing that whenever she'd close her eyes, her life would dance for her, mocking her once more.

_I wake up…It's August 20,2002 and I know something is wrong when I don't hear Beyond's laughter. _Death cringed as she found herself narrating.

_I walk up the stairs, to his room, and I find it empty._

_The sinking feeling in my stomach won't leave and I decide not to eat anything._

_That's a good thing._

_But it's when the phone call comes do I realize how good my decision was. I answer and in five seconds flat, my stomach is flip-flopping as it plummets to my feet. _

_The caller is a Naomi Misora, the same FBI agent who BB claimed wouldn't solve the case._

_I guess now that B was wrong._

_It's now 7:00 p.m. as I'm instructed to wait at a bus stop on L.A.'s main street. I do so, feeling myself pale as a police car pulls up and I'm ushered in._

_We race to the hospital, no one giving me straight answers as we do._

_I'm scared._

_We get to the hospital, and my police escort now includes several uniformed FBI agents, all leading me to a certain hospital room: room 404._

_I'm about ready to pee myself and my nerves are on fire. Scorching, scarring fire._

_Almost like the fire that created a singed guardian, a singed-and failed- Beyond, who now lays in a pitiful state of life on the bed._

_It's when I see him in that pathetic way does everything starts to fall completely apart._

_I hate myself as I gape at him and his scorched skin. I hate how the burns have left his skin red and charred, wishing that it was only me again to have scars of fire dancing across my back and arms._

_I thank God quietly to see that he's asleep and maybe unable to feel the pain that my heart is feeling now._

_Then Naomi calls me over from the corner she had been watching from, the light glinting off of her leather jacket._

_I then tell her my story, wishing all the while to pull the trigger on my pathetic, pitiful excuse for a life._

**

* * *

**

Mello tossed and turned on the floor, grimacing as he tried to fall asleep, burying his head under his pillow. _Man_, he thought, _why can't she sleep on the floor?_

He nodded to himself, making up his mind as he sat up, reaching over and shaking Death gently, muttering, "Wake up, Death-you sleep on the floor. It's my bed anyways!"

Death wriggled away, her features becoming marred with fear, much to Mello's surprise. "D-don't hit me, daddy…I-I didn't do a-anything b-bad! I-I'm s-sorry…I-I didn't m-mean to drop the dish, Mommy…I didn't!" Death gasped subconsciously, trying to get away from Mello as he stood and grabbed her shoulders, sitting her up.

"Don't! Don't! Nooo! Stop! Please! Please! PLEASE! I wasn't bad! I-I'm a good girl!" Death now screamed, clutching onto Mello and yet, she thrashed about, trying to get away.

"Death! Death! Death! _**Death! **_WAKE UP!" Mello shouted at her, shaking.

"DON'T CALL ME EMILY!" Death screamed back, Mello's instant response being, "HUH!"

Death's eyes snapped open, her breathing horse and in gasps, her forehead drenched in sweat.

"M-mello?" She asked shakily, nodding as she fell forward into him in tears, holding on tight, as if she'd be ripped away.

Mello's face reddened, but he recovered, feeling her forehead. "You still have a fever." He reported. "I still have nightmares…" She replied, tears seeping into Mello's shirt, much to his exasperation.

He pushed it away, his curiosity taking over as he asked, "Your name…is Emily?" He waited for a moment as she was silent before she whispered, "It means…Oh…never mind…It doesn't matter…It's not my name anymore, anyways…"

Mello shrugged, asking instead, "Your parents…were they abusive? That's what your nightmare seemed to be about…"

"You mean, my FOSTER parents…and my nightmare was about my whole life, thank you." She retorted, getting up, despite her trembling and peeled off her black turtleneck in a nonchalant manner, rolling her eyes at Mello's shocked expression when it was revealed that she was wearing a black tank top underneath.

"Is that where you got all those scars?" Mello asked, observing the sliver of moon in the window, the one thing that marked midnight. Death turned away, softly cursing as she smacked her hand on the dresser, before she turned back to Mello, a soft glare piercing from her eyes.

"It's rude to point that out, Mello."

"And it's rude to not to tell your host about yourself BEFORE you take their bed."

"I barely know you!"

"Likewise."

Death sighed in defeat, sitting next to Mello and showing him the scars that stained her arms, pointing at certain marks, declaring, "These ones are from them. I did the others by myself. They used glass shards instead of knives though…sometimes my foster mom used her nails."

Mello grimaced before glancing at Death's neck as she pulled her hair into a ponytail, the red highlights catching the light. "They burned you…"

Death shrugged and got up, laying down on the floor on her stomach, "Doesn't matter…I just got too close…"

"Liar…you're lying through your teeth." Mello argued back, reaching down and lifting up enough of her shirt to see the scars that fire and cigarettes had left. Death, rolled over and smacked Mello's hand, glaring, mumbling, "So what? You don't give a rip!"

"Why shouldn't I, Emily?" Mello watched Death tremble and wince.

"You just shouldn't-Goodnight."

Mello shrugged and climbed up on his bed, burying his head under his pillow, rolling his eyes.

Damn, all this for his bed back.

* * *

This didn't turn out exactly the way I planned.


	3. Welcome to Death's hell

"Umm…Excuse me, but…is there anything I need to do?"

Death looked up timidly at Amy, the only other girl at the hideout. Death was perched on a stool, watching the red haired girl in Ugg boots and a tasseled Beanie (therefore, it's probably not a Beanie anymore…) dry dishes.

Mello had introduced the two at breakfast that morning, telling Amy, his friend Matt's girlfriend, that Death was the new entertainer, so Amy wouldn't question why Death hung so close to Mello.

Death had, of course, met Matt as well and had spent the morning watching the two before Mello and Matt left for some errands, leaving the two girls in the kitchen in silence, Death quietly contemplating various and random subjects. One of the topics was, of course, about her new acquaintances.

How the seemingly anti-social Matt got outgoing, firecracker Amy was beyond Death- but she just let it be, finding it somewhat cute to watch them when the two were with each other.

Death did wonder why, though, Matt wasn't intimidated by his girlfriend like she herself was.

"Oh, Em! There's nothing you can do- you're a guest!" Amy replied, cocking an eyebrow as Death insisted, "But I _**want **_to help with _**something. **_It's not _**fair**_ to let you do everything for me while I just sit here and watch. Besides, you lent me some clothes. I got to repay you somehow. It's only right. An eye for an eye!"

"Um, Em, you're using that quote in the wrong manner…just so you know. And anyways, you _**are **_helping me. I've needed someone to talk to for a while and well, even though Mello looks kinda like a chick and my Mattie is always ready to talk about anything, I just can't talk to them about my important personal girl stuff. But I can with you!"

Amy ran to Death and hugged her tight, causing Death to wonder if Amy was half boa constrictor as this was the 5th time that morning Death had been hugged, "Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Even if you do look slightly like a girl vampire who's obsessed with being an emo/goth and who could be the poster girl for HotTopic, I'm so glad that you're here to stay!"

"Amy, if it wasn't for the fact that you have good intentions and the fact that there is no good nickname for "Death", I'd be drop kicking you right now for calling me 'Em' and an emo/gothic vampire HotTopic poster girl. Also, I'd like to point out that I just lost feeling to my neck and I may die soon if your grip is not loosened."

Death mumbled, wriggling out of Amy's grasp.

"O.K. I apologize, Death…That's, like, soooooooooo depressing, though, Em! Emily is such a cute name and it'd suit…"

"Amy, can you tell me honestly that you've met someone who is like a modern Wednesday Addams named _Emily?_ And the name _Emily _suits them?"

"No…"

"Well, neither have I, and that is because I just described myself. The only way the name _Emily _would suit me is if I had a voice that instantly reminded you of bubblegum and lollipops, I had red curls, green eyes and freckles and I had at least one _American Girl _doll. Otherwise, the name Emily does not suit because, despite it meaning 'rival' at times, it is too feminine and gentle to be used properly in my case."

"But…."

"Amy…face it. The name _Emily _brings an overachieving Girl Scout with pigtails to mind who's as perky as heck. I am not perky."

"That's for damn sure."

This statement didn't come from Amy- rather, it came from Mello, who had just entered with Matt following, both carrying a bag in each hand. Mello walked past Death, motioning for her to follow them.

Mello lead his two companions up the stairs, stopping at the room next to his own. "This will be your room from now on." He declared coldly, Death wondering why the sudden change of attitude towards her. She stepped into her room and saw that a futon was already laid out as the boys put the bags down. "W-wait: h-how did you get my stuff?" Death asked, slightly annoyed and shocked at Mello's casual boldness as he rolled his eyes at her before tossing her cell phone at her, Death catching it by the small keychain attached to the antenna.

"I took the liberty of getting your address from your phone. Y'know, you don't need to…," He paused and changed his words to, " No, you _**shouldn't **_put all of your personal stuff in there. The wrong people can find it."

"So what?Beyond had me put my personal stuff in my phone when he got it for me-I can do whatever I think B would approve of when it comes to my safety." Death replied, getting ticked off, thinking about how Mello had just admitted to stealing her phone.

Mello crossed the room and knocked Death against the wall, growling into her ear, "Beyond is _**DEAD **_,remember? You're on your own-deal with it."

Death's eyes widened as she shrank against the wall, trying to get away from Mello as her lip started trembling, biting it as she started to blink back tears.

"So?" She asked, voice threatening to break. "That doesn't matter…"

Mello backed away enough to let Death check her phone,watching her try to contain herself. He found an odd sense of satisfaction as he scanned her face and its expression. _So far_, he smirked, _I'm the only one alive able to make her want to cry…_But in all reality, Mello somewhat worried about this new found satisfaction in making Death react and show emotions. He could tell that she _**hated **_it; and yet, here he was, still harassing the daylights out of her.

Mello returned to the world of the living when Death gasped, half in disgust and half in disbelief, "You added yourself to my contacts? Without asking!"

(Death hoped that Mello couldn't sense her initial admiration of his blunt boldness that she was trying to hide.)

Mello snorted in reply. 'Well, what did you expect me to do? Wake you up again and say, 'Oh, I'm sorry to disturb you, strange-girl who's contaminating my bed with her sickness, but I need I need to take your phone to get your address so Matt and I can get your stuff from that rundown closet your landlord calls an apartment-which, by the way, I canceled the rent agreement- because you're going to be here for a while. By the way, I'll just put my phone number in your phone so I can't lose you.'" He said sardonically, face hardening. "Get real. I don't say shit like that."

"You just did."

"That doesn't count."

Death sighed as Mello demanded, "How the hell did you even pay your rent and all your other stuff?" He noted that she had a few CDs-Jpop and bubblegum pop, not to mention the current hits- and a few romantic comedies,too. _A goth who loves romance and humor…now I've seen everything…_He thought, smirking.

Death's face flushed as she mumbled, "I was a singer at my landlord's bar-he took my rent out of my tips." Mello did a double take. "Get real."

"I'm not lying! I got paid to sing karokee and also I sang on band nights, I was a backup singer and at times…I was a singer and a dancer when one of the other girls got sick." Death said softly, looking away, feeling ashamed.

Mello was still get over his shock of the discovery that he had a singer _and _a part-time exotic dancer on his hands. "You were a dancer…and you're still a virgin?"

"Heck yeah! I hated the lewd stuff-I was the only dancer who didn't strip,luckily. I would've died of embarrassment!" Death declared, sitting.

Mello blinked and then smirked."I have an idea…"

Death glanced up at him and growled, "I don't give lap dances."

"I wasn't going there."

"You were close…What's your idea?"

Mello smirked as he moved closer to her,close enough for Death to smell the hint of chocolate on Mello's hot breath. Her face was as red as a stop sign as Mello whispered, "You can be _my _entertainer…You can keep me amused and you can sing me to sleep…And maybe…even pleasure me…"

Death choked in surprise, going into a coughing fit as Mello sat back, simpering. Death glowered at Mello as she hissed, "You might as well have asked for a lap dance, pervert! I won't pleasure you- no way!"

Mello shrugged and got up, still smirking as he asked, "Why not, Emmy?", making sure that he nailed a seductive tone on its head.

Death held up her hand, fingers ready to count off the reasons.

"1-I am a virgin and I intend to keep it so.

2-I'm Catholic and I definitely intend to stay a virgin because of that.

3-I barely know you

4-I don't see a need to pleasure you.

And 5- I'm not an experienced, convienant hooker waiting at your beck and call; I have self respect-consider getting yourself some!

I'm o.k. with being the singing housemaid who'll occasionally buy you chocolate,but otherwise, the answer is NO!"

Mello smirked and held up his hands in a mock truce. "Fine- but I get to pick out your outfit."

Death had gotten up to start unpacking but now she was giving Mello an enraged glare. If looks could kill, Death could've put Kira and the death note to shame.

"Mello…If you even _**DARE **_to get me a skimpy maid outfit or any crap like that (although I wouldn't mind a long sleeved goth Lolita dress.), I swear to God and on BB's grave, I'll kill you."

"It's a risk I'll take!" Mello chuckled as he exited her room, laughing harder when he saw her middle finger raised.

Death crossed herself as Mello, still laughing, walked down the stairs, before she muttered, "God- grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide Mello's dead body after he pisses me off and I slaughter him. And Lord, forgive my swearing and help me survive in this hellhole Mello has made. And Lord, just what the heck did I do to deserve this? Amen."

She fingered her rosary and thought about the challenge she now faced- deciding whether to kill Mello by stuffing an explosive down his pants while he slept or to put arsenic in his chocolate.

* * *

Fear the power of a p. 14 year old goth!


	4. Failure and Punishment

_Not all scars show,_

_Not all wounds heal,_

_Sometimes you can't always see_

_The pain someone feels_

_-Anonymous _

It had taken Death a long time to finally fall asleep the night before her official "mafia debut" as she called it, due to the recurring nightmares of Mello picking out her outfits. It was because of those nightmares did Amy not have to use a bucket of ice water to wake her-the mere mention of Mello's name made Death bolt up in bed with fright.

"Well, now that you're up…Mello has a job for you! Lucky Emmy!" Amy declared with a smile as Death groaned, "I'm not lucky, Amy- I'm screwed! What's the job?"

"I'll tell you…after we play dress up!" Amy declared, whisking a garment bag from behind her back, causing Death to scream and fall back on the futon, knowing that Mello had had a part of picking out this set of apparel.

"Mello told me _**very specifically **_to get you this-he said that you wore something kinda similar once." Amy told Death, unzipping the garment bag, causing Death's mouth to drop before she howled, "No! _No!_ _**No!**_ _**NO! **_You can't force me into that hooker outfit! _**NEVER!" **_

_**Downstairs….**_

Mello and Matt both stared up at the ceiling, Matt staring confused and Mello staring, smirking in triumph. He started to chuckle as Death's screams of objection increased. "I think she likes the outfit, don't you, Matt?" He started to laugh harder at Death's protests as Matt raised an eyebrow before he turned back to his game, muttering, "Mello is a SADIST…" as they heard Death's shriek of, "He took all of my clothes! Just so I couldn't change into something else! That's so low!"

_**15 minutes later…**_

Death stood at the bottom of the stairs, humiliated and trying to avoid Mello's gaze as he scanned her, making sure that there was no mistake in her appearance. Death knew by how hard he was staring at her that either he was getting aroused or he wanted to make sure that she had made no mistake. Part of her hoped that it was the first, but the stronger other part of her favoring the second option would not allow such a thought.

_What's wrong with me? _She wondered, trying to think of a good enough reason to why she was thinking this way.

_Sure, I can blame it on hormones but…he's fascinating…He's like Beyond…2__nd__ best and wants to be 1st, always superior, perfectionist, never makes mistakes, impulsive, smart, motivated… But unlike Beyond, Mello is…short tempered, does everything for a reason and he doesn't seem to have a heart. He's different from all those boys who I hanged around, and those guys who always watched me at the bar. Hmmm…_

Death's train of thought crashed when Mello began to get impatient as he snapped his fingers in front of her eyes, bringing her focus directly to him. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Mello asked, annoyed as Death's cheeks colored as she realized that she may have started remotely liking him. She composed herself enough to shoot back, "I'm dressed as a hooker and you're looking at me like a pedophile would a child. What do you think is wrong?" Mello chuckled cynically in reply, "The outfit suits you- I chose well." Death looked at her red and black striped camisole paired with a tiny black miniskirt and red stilettos. "Honestly, I'm glad that I could use my own accessories." Mello nodded before looking at Death's cut off gloves that went up to her elbows and matched her shirt as well as her rosary and broken heart necklace with its matching studded bracelet and belt. He sighed as he turned away, leading her down the hallway to where his guest-Rod Ross, the mafia leader whom Mello had "borrowed" a few men for his own gang- was waiting in Mello's personal sitting room.

"You know the drill. No mistakes- you mess up, you're outta here."

"No big deal-I may make a mistake on purpose now." Death said teasingly before she went quiet at Mello's glare.

"Follow my lead." Mello demanded, only to have his companion cut in front of him before smirking softly. "I don't think so, Mello. I'll try to make this seem as realistic as possible. Although I'd hate to be your actual girlfriend."

Mello growled at her again but she ignored him as she walked to the door and hesitated, looking back at Mello.

"One question, Mello."

"WHAT?" He snarled at her quietly, wishing just to get to business right then, annoyed with Death's time wasting.

"Does this skirt make my butt look fat?"

Mello's eyes widened as he was taken aback. His gaze traveled to her butt and his face would've reddened if it hadn't been for his restraint on his emotions around her, although he usually failed, his feelings always being on a rampage when she was around, lust being the chief one when she was nearby. "It looks fine. Almost sexy."

"Uhm…O.k.…That works."

She tried to smile as she walked into the room, not knowing how much of a distraction she'd be for her faux boyfriend.

_**Later…**_

Mello pulled Death into his room, slamming the door closed before glaring at her. She looked back at him, her face half-afraid, and half-calm. A contradiction, just like her- one part of her was a girl named Emily but another part was named Death. (That does not mean she's a person with multiple personalities- quite the opposite.) Mello cursed as he backed her into a wall, his face inches from her as he snarled, "You-made-a-mistake!" Emphasizing on the word mistake harshly as his grip on her arms tightened to where she winced and then cried out in pain.

"I didn't! What did I do wrong?" She gasped back, trying to wriggle out of his grasp, her face registering full fear now instead of partial.

"You were suppose to follow my lead- you didn't. And because of that, we almost lost the chance for having a whole mafia on our side." He hissed, pushing her harder against the wall, watching her shrink back, knowing that she wished that she could disappear into the wall itself as she winced again.

"That's not true, Mello! I followed your lead perfectly- what did I do wrong?" She whispered urgently, old memories and déjà vu making this moment absolute hell for her, remembering times when her foster parents had done the same thing as Mello was doing now, had the same feelings and expressions as Mello did now, had said the same things as Mello was saying. She was scared out of her mind of what would happen-and yet strangely excited- as their noses touched and she smelled the chocolate lingering on his breath as he sneered, "You ignored everything he said-you didn't pay attention to him at all. And then the lap situation…"

Death paled when he brought up the "lap situation". This had occurred when Mello decided that he wanted Death on his lap in the middle of the meeting between the gangs and she had refused, flatly turned him down in front of Ross. She had been dragged into the kitchen and somewhat humiliated in front of Amy and Matt as Mello harshly reprimanded her, not letting her say a word in her defense, nearly slapping her if it hadn't been for Matt pointing out the fact that Ross would know something was up if Emily came back with a bruise.

"Also, I won't be back sassed by someone like you." He finished before Death had finished processing and reliving the experience.

Death coughed, shocked and offended, protesting, "You made the comment of 'Wow! You're really sick-I thought idiots were healthy, though.' I'm sorry that I made the comment of 'That's why you're so healthy!' Excuse me! And if you hadn't made the comment of 'Germs avoid me and say 'I better not waste my time', I wouldn't had said, 'That's what all the girls say, too.' You're at fault for that-not me."

Death nearly screamed as Mello crushed her against the wall as his fingers were leaving welts on her scarred arms. "Just shut up- I'm your new boss-you listen and obey _**ME.**_ Nobody else. When I say it's your fault, it's your fault. Understand?"

It was Death who growled now. "NO, I don't understand! You know that it's not true when you say it's my fault-it's yours! You think that you don't make mistakes but you do! Everyone does. You're no exception!"

"SHUT UP NOW, EMILY!" Mello shouted at her, glaring at her as she yelled back, "I WON'T! MAKE ME!"

And he did by the only way he could think of at that moment- he kissed her hard, until her lips hurt and were bruised.

"Damn!" That's all Mello said as he dived in for another kiss, punishing Death the only way he could- physical contact that remotely showed affection or at least attraction.

Death squirmed and tried to free her hands from his grasp, pushing her tiny hands on his chest in an attempt to push him away when he finally let her hands go. Her attempts were futile and now she was scarred.

Of what he'd do…No, of what he _**COULD **_do to her.

And how she'd respond.

She felt his tongue trying to force its way into her mouth, but she kept it shut until an involuntarily gasp resulting from Mello moving his hand between her legs forced her lips apart. Knowing that it was the only way to free herself, she kneed him in the groin.

Gasping, he parted from her and backed away enough for her to break for her room, where she locked the door and cried herself to sleep.

She now had no thoughts of a possible infatuation for Mello as she mourned over the loss of her first kiss.

She hated him.

She hated him, but she was trapped.

Just like a songbird in a gilded cage- to sing only for him for the rest of her life.

* * *

I wonder what Mello's thinking...^_^

Just some random tidbit...I've assigned random songs to my two main characters of this story.

Mello- _Right Round_ by Flo Rida and _Let it rock _by Kevin Rudolph and Lil Wayne.

Death- _What hurts the most _by Cascada and _Bleeding Love _by Leona Lewis


	5. Can't get away for better or for worse

Mello cursed at himself, kicking at the wall, his bed frame, anything within kicking reach.

He had never meant to kiss her- he had been too angry to distinguish between punishing her and satisfying his own lust. _It could've happened to anyone…_ He declared to himself, lying and trying to justify his actions. He was not used to being ignored, to be rebelled against- he only knew of obedience on his inferiors' parts and commands on his own.

_**SHE **_was the contradiction.

It had to be her to defy him, didn't it?

It had to be her to serve as the role as the rebel, huh?

Damn, if only she was just some girly-girl who liked pink and listened better than he did.

But no- he had to get stuck with the challenger, the girl who hung around misfits, the lost girl who never listened to anyone who didn't make sense or she didn't agree with.

She was a contradiction- innocent and yet dirty; tough as nails but also gentle; Emily and Death.

Almost like him.

He was superior, yet inferior. Perfect but flawed. Mihael Keehl and Mello.

Of course; she had been close to Beyond, who shared as many imperfections with Mello- therefore, she'd be exposed to a similar personality type and she'd know how to get back at him.

All he had to do now was to wait for her first move, whatever that was.

But what if he didn't _want _to wait?

What if he just wanted to have his way when dealing with her?

What if he just wanted to find a way to make her obey his every word and make her obey willingly?

He rolled his eyes at himself and his foolishness. _Don't get so attached and/or obsessed with her…She's just an obstacle, an inconvenience who'd hold me back._

_But why_, he now reasoned, _didn't I just leave her for the police that night? Why didn't I just leave a gun with her and frame her for the killing of that gang? I could've done that so easily- she had a motive, opportunity, and if he had left the gun and her at the scene, she would've had the means to do it._

"Agggggghhhhh!" Mello yelled randomly, feeling so stupid, wondering why-and how- she could change his thinking. Another thought crossed his mind as well- why he did he want her to obey something other than daily orders?

He brushed it off, collapsing on his bed after pulling off his shirt, deciding not to let Emily hold him back from his goal of becoming #1.

If only he knew what the next day held…

**_..._**

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH_!"

Amy's piercing scream of surprise was what woke Mello up. Bolting out of bed immediately, he ran towards the scream, which, as luck would have, was in Death's room.

"What the hell is wrong?" He demanded, although he could put 2 and 2 together. And in this case, 2+2= Death had run away.

Cursing some more as he hastily pulled on some clothes, he was outside and had his motor bike revved up in minutes of the discovery and in the course of another few minutes, the sound of his motorcycle assaulted the before noon air.

**_…..._**

Death stood outside of the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels, the Catholic Church where she occasionally worshipped, when she had the chance. Opening the large doors leading to the Reconciliation Chapel, she quietly walked past other parishioners who had come to pray alone, careful not to make any loud noises as she kneeled at the altar, closing her eyes and folding her hands after crossing herself.

"Dear God, please bless me with your wisdom, for I need to know the answer to the question that plagues me." She looked to the white, frosted stained window that bathed the chapel in a soft warm, comforting glow, as if she was trying to see God. Fingering the red and black prayer beads that held the red cross of her rosary, she whispered to the silence, unaware that all the other parishioners had left moments after she had arrived, unaware that the one who had forced the question vexing her soul was watching from the chapel's entrance, listening to her whispers.

"Lord, help me. Help me find myself- help me understand what is going on between my situation and me. Please, good Lord, save me- let me find my way. Amen." Death finished, feeling at ease as she breathed in the incense, a ghost of a smile forming on her face, not hearing-or not paying attention to- the heavy _thuds _of Mello's feet on the floor as he walked up behind her.

"Death…" "Hmm?" She looked up, confused, her dark blue eyes widening immediately when she saw who it was, making a run for the door, much to his surprise.

She broke out of the church, breathing heavily, before booking it as she heard Mello running after her, trying not to curse as he shouted, "Emily! Wait! Come back…NOW!"

It was the bitchy NOW that had made Death run faster, down the street and a couple back alleys, running and finding her way back to her old hangout since B had died- The Trixx, a club/bar that was owned by her old landlord/employer, a widower named Monty Rich. She just hoped that Mello didn't catch up before she got through the door. She was close- He had parked his bike and had managed to grab her arm right as she pulled the door open. Resisting against him, Emily pulled herself into the bar, unable to shake Mello off her arm.

Shouts and choruses of "Hey, it's Em!" "Buy Em a drink!" and "Sing for us, Dead Emmy!" nearly drowned out Mello's growl of, "We need to talk. NOW." Death glared at him as she whispered, "I have nothing to say to you."

"That's a lie."

"No! It's not a lie, Mello! Just leave me alone!" 'Dead Emmy', as the patrons dubbed Death/Emily affectionately, shook Mello off of her arm and took a step away from him, the fear of being too close taking over her key anger at him. She turned from him and started heading for the microphone, ignoring a perturbed Mello who was on her heels.

Walking calmly on stage, Emily turned on a microphone and smiled, nodding to the band and saying, "I'll do my usual song, please." The all male band grinned and slapped each other high fives before getting ready, this show of victory being because of Death wearing the outfit she had worn the day before when she had been so offended by Mello.

Spectators surrounded Mello now as the music to Avril Lagvine's "My Happy Ending" began to play, and Emily stood, facing the crowd and glancing at the familiar faces until her eyes rested on only one person- Mello, standing directly in the middle of the crowd of listeners as she opened her mouth and began to sing… She floored Mello as she sang clearly and sweetly, putting the desire to keep her for himself in his already lusting heart. _This isn't passion- it's lust and there is a difference…_ Mello declared to himself as he watched Emily watch him, getting the feeling that she was thinking the same thing as well…

_**After the performance…**_

"Don't be a stranger, Em!" Death's audience called as Mello escorted her out of the club and to his bike. Mello climbed on the bike, growling at Emily, "Get on, NOW." She sighed and obeyed silently, wrapping her arms around his waist and holding on tight as he kicked it into gear, it's tires squealing as they peeled out of there, on their way back to the hideout.

"What was the big idea, Emily?" Mello hissed at her as she buried her face into his leather jacket, trying to ignore his scolding phrases of "You scared Amy!" "You didn't leave a note!" "We didn't know if you were alive!" By the time they had reached the hideout, Death was ready to jump off the motorcycle to get away from Mello. As soon as the kickstand was down, Death was off, shaking her hair out after it was crammed in the helmet before she started heading inside. Her retreat was ruined when Mello grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her to meet his eyes. "Tell me why you ran." He demanded, blue eyes piercing her almost like darts as she stared back at him, the silent fear returning.

"I wanted to be alone…away from you…I only went to the church because that's where I think clearest…I only ran because I was scared." She said slowly, afraid that the wrong words would provoke him to do something rash.

"Of what? Of me? Why?" Mello asked, somewhat suspicious, somewhat confused/curious.

"Don't you know?" She replied, staring up at him before wriggling out of his grasp and heading for the hideout's entrance before looking back at him.

"Oh and Mello?"

"What?"

"'The sad truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be good or evil.' I thought of you when I remembered that quote…Think about it, o.k.?"

And with those words, Death left Mello alone standing in the alley, really thinking about the command she had given him.

* * *

"my happy ending" does kinda suit Mello and Death...hmmm...

Please review!


	6. Gently Emotional

Mello paced about his sitting room, cursing and muttering incoherent phrases to himself as he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Pulling it out, he cursed again.

The caller was Near, his main enemy, after Kira.

Mello scowled, gritting his teeth as he answered, wondering how bad his karma was to have deserved such a sucky day. _First the damn girl had to run off and I had to play the bad guy to get her and now Near has to call to rub his smarmy kiss-ass accomplishments in my face…What the hell did I do to deserve this? _He growled at himself as he snarled into the phone "What do you want now, Near?"

"Oh, I just wanted to know if you were any closer to catching Kira…I've been making a _**lot **_of progress, and I was wondering if you were, too…" Near replied, and Mello could almost see Near smirking as Mello said nothing except a growl.

"I'll take that as 'I haven't gotten anywhere…A pity, Mello, a real pity- I was so sure that you were a worthy opponent for me."

"I _**am **_a worthy opponent, Near- I've had a distraction. That is the only reason why I haven't been able to put Kira behind bars as of yet."

"Would this distraction be someone of the opposite sex?"

Mello growled at the phone and he knew that Near was all but smugly grinning as he said, a trifle amused, "I thought that was the case. Would she happen to be Beyond's little orphan?"

"I have no desire to confirm or refute that, Near. You say clever things, nonetheless."

"I'll take that as 'Yes, Near, she used to be close to my predecessor, Beyond Birthday.'" Near replied, causing Mello to seriously consider breaking his phone by throwing it against the wall. He opted out for snarling into it, "If you had any part of planting Death in my hideout as a spy, I swear, Near, I'm coming to New York to shoot you personally."

Near let out a chuckle as he asked, "So that's her name? Death…sounds macabre… Is she a Goth?"

Mello sighed angrily, rubbing his temple, trying to fight off the headache resulting from his bottled up anger that was now steadily increasing with quantity as he half listened to Near's taunts about the girl who was asleep in the room next to his own….

**...**

…Or so he thought. In all reality, Death was in a similar situation, pacing her own room, thinking back on that morning. It was 11:54 p.m. and she had given up all hope of falling asleep after she had tossed and turned and struggled to close her eyes an hour ago.

She sighed as she sat on her futon, rubbing her eyes and glancing at the blank wall, wondering how mad Mello was at her still. "I never meant to get him so peeved… I only wanted to be alone…" Death sat still for a couple moments, sighing and thinking before getting up and going to the door, ready to turn the doorknob. She faltered before turning away, groaning and ready to bang her head against the door.

"I'm _**not **_going to _**apologize **_to _**him! **_Never, ever, ever, ever, ever! He's so pushy, so demanding, so…so…Ugggh! He's such a …such a…Basterd!" Death hissed to herself, sitting against the door, arms crossed as she glared at the opposite wall. She then moaned again, holding her head in her hands as she muttered, " I feel so guilty though! If I don't apologize, I won't get any sleep because of my stupid guilty self!"

She growled at how weak she was feeling as she stood and yanked the door open, marching two steps to her left, hand poised to knock on Mello's door before realizing that it was open. Upon poking her head into his room, she discovered it to be neat (for a teenage boy's room, anyways…) and completely Mello-free. Growling again, she stomped down the stairs and through the kitchen, knowing that if Mello wasn't in her room, he was either on his bike, getting chocolate or in his sitting room. Death made her way to the lounge, knowing that she would've heard Mello's bike driving away.

She approached the door, reaching for the doorknob when she realized that Mello was yelling. Opening the door just enough to peek in, she saw the blond pacing about the room, cursing into his phone.

"I'll catch Kira- distraction or no distraction! I'll prove it to you!" Death leaned against the door a little more, letting out a quiet gasp as it creaked loudly, causing Mello's eyes to snap towards the door.

"Hmmm…." He muttered suspiciously before ending the call, sauntering to the door and jerking it open, making Death tumble in a heap at his feet. She looked up at him, her mouth quirking into an uneasy smile as she declared, "I'm s-sorry, Mello."

He yanked her up by her arm, glaring at her as she took the time to smooth out her gray cotton, knee length nightdress to calm herself. "What the hell do you want?" He snarled, plopping on his couch, cursing under his breath as Death seated herself across from him, playing with the hem of her nightgown.

"Who was that?" She replied, ignoring the fact that Mello's glower increased with intensity as he growled, "You answer me, _**NOW." **_

Death sighed as she got up, before Mello rolled his eyes and said, "Never mind- leave me alone, girl."

Death's mouth opened and closed in surprise before she said, "But…But…Why?"

"Just leave me alone, Emily."

Death slightly glared before she thought better of it, going to kneel by Mello's couch, whispering, "I'm sorry if you're mad, but I won't leave you alone. Get as mad as you want- I won't leave."

She then straightened up and returned to her seat, sitting and crossing her legs. "Now, _**YOU **_tell _**ME **_who that was on the phone."

"Why should I, eavesdropper?"

"That was Near, wasn't it?"

Mello sat up, his initial shock being drown in his piercing glare as he hissed, "How did you know?"

Death didn't get to answer as Mello crossed the 4 steps that separated the two, trapping her in the chair, him being too close for Death's preferred comfort. "_**HOW DID YOU KNOW? ANSWER ME NOW!" **_

Death gasped a bit as she answered, "I thought it was only because you said, " I'll catch Kira..." and then, "I'll prove it to you!" Plus, I saw his picture in the Wammy's House brochure… The man from Wammy's House who came to see if I'd live there mentioned that some children competed to be number one, to prove himself or herself superior…you…were one of those children, weren't you…?"

Mello scowled, but didn't answer- he didn't have to with Death. She was smart enough to figure him out. He stepped away from Death and began to pace the room like a caged lion. He stopped for a moment when he saw Death's eyes watching him closely, knowing that she expected an explanation.

He sighed angry, gritting his teeth as he declared, "I've always been second- no matter how much I worked, no matter how hard I tried…Near has always been first. I hate him! I deserve to be first- not him! We've always been rivals, but he keeps one-upping me! I now have the chance to prove that I deserve to be number one- I can't allow mistakes because of it! I'm so close and I can't give up now!"

He was brought out of his rant by Death clucking her tongue in dismay at him, shaking her head as she chuckled sadly. "WHAT?" Mello shouted at her as she looked up at him, trying to stop chuckling at him.

"I find it sad…you, Mello…someone with so much potential is willing to risk his life because he is jealous of someone better… you're acting just like Beyond when he was trying to one-up L…he didn't want mistakes…and yet, despite his being careful, he messed up and got caught…and now he's dead…that may happen to you, Mello…just because of your goal…that's what's sad…You're merely jealous."

"I'm not jealous!"

"Yes you are. If you're not, then please explain your logic of why I can't call it jealousy, when it clearly is because you're coveting a status only God can reach."

Mello was silent as Death continued, "Maybe I don't see it your way because I've never understood wanting to be #1…I've never had any desire to have that status…"

"Never? You never were jealous…of anything?" Mello asked, surprised- no, shocked- before he saw Death's lips quirk into a smug little smile when he realized that he had just admitted to being jealous.

"Oh, whatever!" He muttered, heading for the door, glaring, before he felt a tug on his gloved hand.

He looked back to see Death holding it, looking up at him before she said slowly, "I have been…jealous… per se… I'm jealous of people with a loving family and caring friends…You see… My dad died near Christmas when I was one, and my mom died two years later on New Year's Eve and my big brother, Ryan… he ran away from the foster home and I haven't seen him since…and I never was able to befriend anyone 'cuz they thought I was weird…kinda like that game of "Emily has cooties" …and now…" Death stopped, closing her eyes as she sighed, knowing that Mello could finish the rest.

_Now whenever I see a little girl laughing in the park with her family and playing tag with her friends…I think "What if that was me? What if none of my life had happened and I could've just been a little child who never had to grow up, who never had to lose their innocence too early…? What if I had friends like her's? What if I had my family back?" And I start coveting what she has, what she's holding onto._

Death looked up at Mello, and tried to smile and hide her tears at the thoughts. "But I usually try not to be jealous when I remember the song my mother sang to me…I can't be jealous when I think about her singing it…"

"How does it go?" Death looked at Mello, surprised as she mumbled, "What? You want to know how the song goes?" She stared at him skeptically, wondering if it was a joke, a sick joke, wondering if he was only feigning interest in her mother's song as he nodded quietly.

She took in a soft breath as she sang gently,

"Come here and cry upon my shoulder,

I'll hold you till it's over-

I'll rescue you tonight.

And while you're here in my shelter,

Your hiding place forever,

I'll love you more than life…"

She slowly let Mello's hand go as she stood and walked to the door, looking back at him as she rested her hand on the door frame and whispering, "You should try to be happy instead of jealous, Mello. You should at least try- you're taking years off of your life by being jealous and bitter."

"You're one to talk!" Mello shot back, hiding his uncertainty on where he stood now- to take her advice or to ignore it.

Death smiled and winked at him, a quick, non-flirty wink that Mello would've missed if he hadn't been watching carefully. "Heh, heh…I guess you're right about that…But I'm trying…Goodnight, Mello."

"Wait, Emily…" He said, desperately

"What, Mello? I'd kinda like to go to bed soon…"

"Were you ever jealous of your brother? For being able to get out?"

Emily turned with what appeared to be tears in her eyes and Mello knew that he had hit some nerves accidentally, but she smiled at him and murmured, "No…I'm happy for him… He didn't have to get hurt like I did…I was never jealous of Ryan…I admired him…I want to find him one day and tell him that. Goodnight, Mello- sweet dreams."

She climbed the stairs and collapsed on her futon, not caring about the open door as she fell asleep, hot tears clinging to her cheeks, naïve to what she gave Mello to think about.

* * *

I dedicate this chapter to Elle XVI


	7. More memories, more pain

It was 3:00 a.m., and Mello sat on his bed, the room's lights on, papers and a book spread in front of him. It was too late to truly study, but Mello was used to it- he had done so in Wammy's for days and nights on end in his quest to be number one. This study session was nothing compared to the cram sessions at the orphanage/private school that was the only life Mello had known. Mello sighed now as he remembered that the only class he could barely one-up Near in had been gym, and he even had to train late for that class to excel in.

It didn't matter now. That had been his past- the only reason why he was revisiting it was because he had overlooked something that could affect his future.

As much as he didn't want to, he had to hand it to Near- if it hadn't been for him, he wouldn't have realized what he had missed, no, _who _he had missed. He was looking at the one thing he had sworn never to look at when he left Wammy's- the yearbook that had been issued every year, as far back as Mello could remember.

What had forced Mello to look at the item that caused such nostalgia? He had just realized the thing that he felt that he should've known the whole time. And that thing was…

Death hadn't only been offered to come live at Wammy's House-she had _been _at Wammy's House. Near knew of her, so she must have known him; she seemed to know more about the Wammy House system than she should; he had seen renewed recognizing in her eyes when she had met Matt and Amy and most of all…she had recognized him that night in the alley.

But that had been recent proof, something that only verified the reason why a younger her was seen in the yearbook, why he was in possession of a letter that came from B, the girl who had come to Wammy's and had known Beyond Birthday- which could only mean that it had come from the girl who was asleep in the room next to his, her black hair partially covering her white face, barely shielding her closed cobalt eyes as her small hands clenched her blankets, her body curled into a ball as she dreamed about…what? Her past? Her brother? Her guardian? Mello spared a moment from his study to think on that subject, but he quickly shook himself out of it, trying to convince himself that he didn't care.

He closed his eyes for a second, wondering why he was even wasting energy that could be used on the Kira case studying a girl's past. She didn't truly matter to him, or did she? He still had yet to fathom why he had even saved her from getting raped and killed by that gang. He hadn't even known her- or had he?

Mello growled at himself as he tried to remember her…but he couldn't. His hands relaxed from the fists they had been in as he just let failure become sleep- something that he hated to do, because he felt that by doing so it proved him to be not good enough.

"_Nothing I do is good enough for you, huh, M?I don't care- at least I have a future outside of being jealous."_

The clock read 7:00 as Mello's eyes snapped open and he bolted up in bed, breathing hard as he remembered who had said that to him.

Emily or Death; but back then, she was B. Her face had been so blank, her eyes had been so empty, her white lips had barely moved as she whispered the words that convicted him and accused him so bluntly and so coolly… and then she had been gone, out the door and out of his life before he had truly even tried to know her.

He didn't know why, or he just didn't want to know why, he bolted out of bed and out of his room, already awake and resolved to find Emily.

Emily, at the same time, was twisting the cold water shower knob off, warm tears slipping down her cheeks as she sobbed without a thought, without anything but a slight feeling of humiliation and déjà vu.

"Why? Why? WHY?" She choked out, crying harder as she heard the bathroom door open and slam, curling into a ball as the shower curtain was pulled back and Mello looked down at her, grim shock lacing his expression.

Emily looked up at him, eyes empty and full of tears, lips trembling and bleeding from her biting it so much, but then she averted her gaze by closing her eyes all together. Her eyes flew up as she felt a warm towel being draped on her and Mello picking her up out of the bathtub. He set her down gently on the cold tile floor, turning his gaze away as she rushed to wrap herself properly, her face red from embarrassment that this boy had seen her naked and had…touched her. Shivers flew up her spine as she thought back on the way his hands had nearly caressed her for that brief moment. She shivered again and she knew that this time it was from the cold. Maybe.

He finally met her eyes and their words flew out of their mouths at the same time. "Why are you in here?" came out of Emily's; "What the hell you were doing?" came out of Mello' stared at her almost harshly, pity being the thing to soften the piercing gaze of his. She didn't answer as she stared back, saying instead, "Does it matter? Does it really matter?"

"I guess not, girl." He replied, glancing at her a bit shocked as she growled, despite tears still clinging to her cheeks, "Oh, will you _cut that_ _out_? I'm not about to be called _girl_ again by you. I hate being called that by you! I hate it! That's all you called me at Wammy's and I hated it!" She bit her lip again as she started crying again.

"I knew it." Mello replied, nearly glaring at her as he continued, "I knew you were at Wammy's."

She shuddered but nodded, whispering, humiliated, "Yes. And I hated it. Even though I was one of the best, I hated it."

"One of the best?"

Emily nodded again and began to whisper her story as she forced herself back to the time she hated…

_I arrive on January 15__th__, 2003, my black wavy hair cut in bob and my heart empty. They took my Beyond away…I still can't grasp it as I stand with my luggage at the foot of the stairs that leads up to my room and the other children's' room. I sigh as I start lugging my suitcase up the staircase and I'm surprised when someone actually helped me get it to my new room. I know that I'm going to hate it here._

_This is proven at lunch, when I sit at a table alone and then I'm surrounded by people who are as smart-and in sometimes, a bit smarter than- me. And everybody's fascinated with my story about Beyond. It's then I realize that I'm popular here as the other girls sigh in admiration- and envy- at my looks and the boys actually give me second looks… except for the blond guy- Mello- who I first mistaken as a girl when I caught him from behind. And I admire him for not making a fuss over me- I know I don't deserve it. And …_

_He fascinates me as the days pass and I watch him excel in sports by winning every athletic competition, in music as he brings the screams of girls when he played in his band at the school dances, in school as he masters everything thrown at him and socially as he seems to be surrounded by admiration. His attitude in general draws me to want to become like him, to be on the same level as him, to rival him and perhaps surpass him. That was why I joined a band that was as popular as his at the dances, as well as drama, dance, art, sports…anything to give me that edge over him. I didn't find that edge as I saw him push himself to become better than Near, the white haired boy whom my roommate, Jenna, likes. Jenna became my best friend because we shared the same goal- to become worthy of these two boys._

_The year passed, and then I finally heard about Beyond's death. I left because of it. But not before I had my first- and only- talk with Mello._

_I met him in the hallway on my way out, his expression reminding me of when I had embarrassed myself at the library in front of him by causing a book avalanche- that expression read clearly that he didn't give a damn._

"_Um…Hi, I'm B."_

"…"

"_Um, yeah…I heard that you wanted to know more about BB, so I got everything I could think of that could help."_

"…"

"_I also hope, um, that you would take this letter."_

"…"

_I blew out my bangs as I said next, "I just want to say that I admire your determination and your intelligence."_

_He chuckled at this, finally saying., "If you're trying to sweet talk me, forget it."_

"_I'm not. I'm saying goodbye."_

_His eyes widened but then that look of carelessness returns and I feel tears in my eyes as I push pass him and hiss, "Nothing I do is good enough for you, huh, M?I don't care- at least I have a future outside of being jealous."_

_And then I ran away, out of Wammy's and away from him forever, hoping that I never saw him again as I feel like a hole is being punched into my chest and my heart is taken away._

The same exact feeling that Emily had now as she bursted out of the bathroom, running to her room, head bent down to her chest and hiding her tears, feeling humiliated for no good reason, remembering now why she had been crying in the shower…

She had cried in the bathroom her first night at Wammy's, door locked and staying locked until 6:00 the next morning.


	8. To be wronged

_To be wronged…Is nothing…unless you continue to think about it…_

_ -Anonymous _

_

* * *

_

It was two weeks after Emily had to relive her time at Wammy's.

Two weeks since she had burst out of the bathroom, crying.

Two weeks since she had even spoken to Mello.

Two hellish weeks spent trying not to look him in the eyes, trying not to come into real contact with him, trying not to even _breathe_ the same air as him.

Those were maybe the two most agonizing, terrible weeks of her life, including the weeks following BB's arrest and her getting used to living without him guiding her through the day.

Emily now sat on her futon, typing up a couple reports on her laptop, the reports being about the psychological aspects of a killer, such as his patterns and such. She personally hated this task, as her guardian had been one and wounds that had long since scarred now were being open, fresh and bleeding, but not only because of that.

She hated it because Mello had asked her to do so.

Well, _technically_, Matt had asked her to do the reports, but she knew better. Matt rarely did anything on his own unless it interested him to a high degree or he had been asked- or in the case of Mello's leadership, commanded- to do something.

It was for Mello she was typing these reports and handing over a little piece of her heart, as well as her knowledge.

She grimaced to herself before she smirked as an idea entered her head- a devious thought that Mello would surely disapprove of.

She was totally going to do it, just for that reason.

Snapping her headphones on her ears, she got online and began to hack into the computer system that Matt had made and had hooked the security cameras that occupied every room in the hideout -including the one in her room- to.

She was in the system at least a minute later.

_The more you disapprove, the more fun it is for me._ She thought to herself, giggling as she accessed the video feed before she gasped, any mirth dropping into oblivion in that second.

A girl.

A teenaged Japanese girl, whose fear and confusion was evidenced in how her wide eyes were glancing at her surroundings quickly, how her breathing was ragged and quick and escaping from a slightly opened mouth, as well as her furrowed eyebrows, was in a cell.

_Oh my Lord._

Emily knew who this girl was, whom this trapped and lonely girl was.

Sayu Yagami, the Kira suspect's little sister.

Anger burned at Emily's heart, hot rage bubbling in her throat as she realized why the girl was here.

She was here to serve only as a pawn for Mello's "brilliant plan" as Amy called it jokingly.

She glared at the screen for a moment before slamming her laptop shut, getting up so she could rip off the blanket on her own bed, stomp to the door, yank it open and storm to the hideout's kitchen for several items that would help the new prisoner.

_Mello's damn reports can wait…and I hope he goes to hell because of this. _She snarled to herself as she practically ran to the girl's cell, knowing that she was picking a fight with the blond haired boy who she hated at the moment, blind to the thought that she may regret her move later.

* * *

Mello stared at the video screens in the surveillance room, snapping of chocolate from the candy bar he held, thinking all the while.

He smirked as he thought, the subject of his musings being how Sayu Yagami was the perfect prisoner- and how Emily wouldn't be.

At this moment, Sayu was the prisoner every mafia leader would want- scared, alone, and powerless.

Emily, though, would be a handful if she ever was a prisoner. Heck, she wouldn't be a prisoner for long-she'd probably be able to get out of anything that faced her as a threat.

"Hey Mello, you should come look at this…" Matt called, waving Mello over to the certain monitor that the red haired boy sat in front of, as well as the boy's laptop.

Mello nearly growled as he stalked over to Matt, saying, "What the hell is it?", annoyed to the extreme.

"Someone hacked into the system…and I think it's your girlfriend." Matt replied, biting back a chuckle as Mello's glare increased, but he said nothing except, "So?"

"So…she found out about your visitor…and she doesn't look too happy about it."

Mello bit back a curse as he watched the dark haired 14-year-old open the prisoner's cell, hot food and a blanket in her hands.

"_Hi. My name is Emily…Don't worry. I don't bite…unless you give me a reason. It's o.k. Sayu- I'm going to be your best friend while you're here."_

"_Wh-why am I h-here?"_

"_Oh…my selfish boss is holding you ransom until he gets the Japanese Police's Death Note."_

"_D-Death Note?"_

"_Don't worry about it. You're going to be o.k., now that I'm here. Trust me- I want to help you."_

"What is she doing?" Mello snarled aloud as Emily continued to soothe Sayu.

"Looks like she found the camera…" Matt mumbled back, covering his smile as Emily on the feed said, "Watch this.", flipping the watchers off as she turned to the camera.

Mello cursed before yanking out his mobile from his pocket and hitting speed dial. Matt watched as Emily onscreen pulled out her phone as it trilled, sighing at Mello's words of "Come to the surveillance room. NOW."

"_W-what was that about, Emily?"_

"_I'm in trouble."_

"Hell yeah you are!" Mello snarled at the screen as Emily left the cell.

* * *

Emily stepped into the surveillance room minutes later, rolling her eyes as Matt exited and left her facing an extremely ticked off Mello.

"What the hell were you doing?"

"Helping the prisoner. What do you think I was doing, nimrod?"

She discovered that her insult had been the wrong words as she was slammed against the door, Mello's hands on either side of her head, caging her in. She sighed, thinking about how often she was in this position.

"Nimrod? NIMROD? Who's the real nimrod, you idiot? You were helping the prisoner! You were giving her hope! You're making things difficult for my plan!"

"I still say that you're the nimrod, Mello- I don't know about you, but I myself would want someone making things difficult for you if I was in her place." She declared in monotone, anger welling up in her chest as he scoffed at her words.

"If I was in her place, Mello, would you treat me how you're treating her? Would you treat me the same?"

That question caught him off guard, but he managed to snarl, "The very same."

"Even if you knew about my past? About my life? About what I have to offer more than being a damn hostage for your cause?"

"Why do you care, Em-?" Mello began to ask, getting cut off by the girl's declaring of, "She's just a girl, Mello! A girl with a life, a family, dreams, with innocence that we both know we lost. She doesn't deserve to be dragged out of her comfort zone just cause she was a convenient hostage so you can have whatever you damn want! Why do you only think about yourself when others who'd walk that extra mile for you surround you? It's selfish- downright selfish. It makes me sick! YOU make me sick with your superiority! I can't believe you and your stupid goal! It's wrong- absolutely wrong!"

"Like you even know what wrong means- don't you dare preach to me, girl!" Mello shouted at her, grabbing her shoulders and digging his fingers into her arms as he watched her wince and glare before she screamed back frustrated, "I can preach as much as I want, unlike you! I KNOW firsthand what wrong is! My whole life was wrong! Or did you forget about my damn scars, Mello? Did you forget how I got them? Did you forget what I've lost? You haven't lost ANYTHING in your life, except to Near! When you lose something, then you know what wrong is, Mello. But until then, YOU can't preach to me."

Mello continued to tighten his grip on her arms as she continued, "Making someone submit to your will is wrong, as is watching it happen when you can do something about it! You don't understand that at all! You're jealous, selfish, bitter and cold- and you'll never change!" Emily squirmed out of his grasp and continued to glare at him.

"You're wrong!" Mello snarled in her ear as he pulled her close enough for her to smell his breath that had a hint of chocolate on it.

She turned away from him and started to open the door before Mello forcibly shut it. Emily glanced at him and glared, saying, "Maybe I am. But looking at your face right now…and how your eyes are so cruel…I know I'm not wrong. That's why…,"She continued after successfully opening the door and stepping into the hall, "I don't care if you hurt me for helping Sayu- I'll keep helping her until she leaves. At least I'm doing something right, unlike you."

With those words, she stormed off, leaving Mello glaring at the spot she had stood, unable to come to terms with her words as he turned back to the monitors.


	9. Beauty is skin deep,scars are deeper

Mello stood in front of the bathroom mirror, looking at himself carefully. His blond hair was dripping wet from the shower he had stepped out of minutes before, having only time to pull on only his leather pants before his attention was caught by the steamed up mirror and his reflection in it.

It was 10:00 p.m. now, maybe a week or two since Emily had blown up at him…not that he was counting the minutes since she had deigned him worthy of words and her voice.

He still couldn't forget what she had told him that day…

"_My whole life was wrong! Or did you forget about my damn scars, Mello? Did you forget how I got them? Did you forget what I've lost? You haven't lost ANYTHING in your life, except to Near! When you lose something, then you know what wrong is, Mello. But until then, YOU can't preach to me."_

He gritted his teeth as he bent over the sink, wondering where –and maybe why- he had gone wrong. Had he been this way at Wammy's? No, of course not…He had actually been a sweet kid, if his memory served right. A smart student, a good athlete, the perfect example, the popular kid- perfection itself. Well, almost. Ever since L died, ever since the ultimate contest with Near began…his hidden side had reared its ugly head. The hidden side that he had allowed no one to see until that day when the words, "L is dead." Was uttered. Back in his Wammy days, no one had even the reason to think that he was as Emily had said- bitter, jealous, selfish, cold and unchanging- except maybe Emily herself…

He hadn't realized it then but now he knew it was true- whenever she had been in a ten-foot radius, he had found himself acting more like himself, not the kid everyone wanted to see. It seemed like Emily had that effect on everyone, now that he thought about it more.

"It doesn't matter…she'll never see…"

_She will never see that I HAVE been wronged in more ways than one…_

Mello let himself slump into a sitting position on the floor, thinking about the various words that would forever haunt him, up until the day he died. Words he heard his whole life, words that reminded him how inferior he actually was to everyone else.

"_You're no good."_

"_Worthless."_

"_Trash."_

"_Useless."_

"_Inferior."_

"_You're a failure."_

"_Unworthy."_

"_You're a freak."_

"_They hate you."_

"_Unwanted. Un-needed."_

And also…

"_Nothing I do is good enough for you, huh, M? I don't care- at least I have a future outside of being jealous."_

He scowled at himself as he leaned against the sink, letting these negative thoughts abuse and plague him and his hard heart, knowing that there was no way to stop it as he closed his eyes.

"Mello? What are you doing?" A soft timid voice came from the doorway. Mello slowly opened his eyes and focused on the small form in the doorway.

Emily.

Her head was tilted, brows furrowed, eyes full of questions as she gazed at him. "Are you o.k.?"

"Get the fuck out of here."

"…No thank you. I'm only getting some tissues…I'll be gone in a minute anyways."

It was then did Mello focus fully on the eyes hiding behind the dark side swept bangs and realized that they were soft and dark and wet from the tears that were still falling and staining her gray cotton thigh-length nightdress. He had the plain sense to cock an eyebrow and Emily did her best to smile as she whispered, "I was watching a movie about a little girl who lost her parents and had to be in an orphanage. I didn't know that it'd be a tearjerker…Amy said that it would be good."

_But…that's a lie, Mello. I know you know that, too. You probably know that my stupid guilty conscious won't let me go to sleep without crying over not apologizing…Even though it was all your fault. _ She thought as she stared at him, growing concerned as she observed how his skin was pale and he was sweating a bit, almost as if he had just woken up from a nightmare.

"You look ill, Mello. Are you o.k?" She asked, forgetting about her tissues as she crouched down and felt his forehead. It was burning to the touch. He grunted in response, "Leave me alone."

"No, Mello, you have a fever…"

"When did you start caring, girl?"

That question caused Emily's hand, which had been checking his forehead, to retreat as she mumbled, "I honestly don't know, but that doesn't matter now- you could be really sick…"

Mello was silent, waiting for her to give him a long speech about how he should care more about his health, that he'd die sooner if he didn't. Emily must have saw the expectation in his eyes, for she summed up the speech Mello had been anticipating in one sentence- "It'd be terrible and humiliating for you if a cold held you back from catching Kira."

"I don't care."

"Well, I do. And I don't care if you hate me for it, but I'm at least bringing your fever down." She declared as she stood and grabbed a washcloth, turning the sink knobs and wetting the cloth before crouching again and holding it to Mello's head.

While she sat and nursed him with only a damp washcloth, Mello's gaze traveled to Emily's scarred arms, up to her shoulders and then to her face, wondering how she kept herself together when she should be falling apart.

"Emily…Were you ever told that you were nothing?" He glanced at her eyes, wondering if she'd get angry or something of the sort.

"Of course…Dozens of times! My foster parents never left the house in the morning before telling me how worthless I was. Not to mention all of my classmates…" She replied with total nonchalance that surprised Mello immensely.

She glanced at him and smiled, "I don't care anymore- I always knew that I was better than what they said."

Emily lowered the washcloth, her eyes widening as Mello grabbed her arm gently, looking at it closely, as if he was trying to discover the reason why the scars were even there, dancing on her arms.

Emily stared at him in confusion, pulling her arm away softly and whispering, "They're only scars. You know what they look like." She held her arm to her as a mother would cradle her child- gently, lovingly and with the caution of fearing that it could break if a mistake was made. "Everyone has at least one scar. Even you, Mello. But…"Emily gazed at her knees, her dark hair shielding her face as she whispered, "Your scars are maybe deeper than mine will ever be…You just see previews of my real scars, the scars on my heart, when you look at my skin. With you…there's no warning to what pain lies underneath…No warning about your real pain at all…"

She stood before leaning down and offering her hand to Mello, asking, "You can stand, right?" He took her hand, wondering what was about to happen. Emily smiled up at him reassuringly as she pulled him front of the mirror, saying, "We're total opposites on the outside- we both know that." Mello nodded, briefly acknowledging the major contrasts between them- she was slightly thinner and shorter, his hair was considerably lighter than her black hair and while Emily had perfect pale skin, Mello was a more peach color. (And let's not forget the gender differences, shall we?)

"But look. We're more similar than you know." She said, tapping her finger on the part of the mirror that held the reflection of their eyes. "We both have blue eyes and if you look closer…you see anger, determination, ambition, impulsiveness, bravery and….sadness. Hurt. Pain. Things we never let anyone else see."

She slowly let Mello's hand, which she had been absent-mindly holding, go as she continued, "We're also both angry at something. For you, it's Near and failing. For me, it's my past…"

"And your brother leaving you." Mello whispered, glancing at Emily as she lowered her head, sniffled and then raised her eyes to meet Mello's, her eyes full of resolution.

"Ryan could have saved me. He had the chance- he just didn't." She replied slowly, as if she was deciding what to do next.

She turned away, her hair swinging away from her back long enough for Mello to notice that the burns on her back actually spelled out words. His eyes widened as he recognized them, despite them being barely legible.

Emily glanced back at him, slightly confused before she chuckled sadly. "Here- I'll show you what my back says, if you want to know." She said, a bit humiliated as she motioned for him to unzip her nightgown enough to see what had been written on her back with cigarettes.

Mello stood, frozen with surprise as he read the all too familiar words on the back of Emily, whose face was putting a tomato to shame because of how modest she really was.

_You're no good._

_Worthless._

_Trash._

_Useless._

_failure._

_Freak._

_We hate you._

_Unwanted. Un-needed._

"My back…it must look like your heart…" Emily whispered as she stared at the mirror, seeing Mello's surprised and slightly angered expression reflected in the glass. He ignored her words as he asked, angered, "Did your damn foster parents do that to you?"

"Yes…But they're dead now, so don't even think about getting revenge on them. That was my job before BB took care of them…I didn't believe in inner demons before I met BB…whenever I thought of demons, my foster parents always were there…They were outer demons….Mello, can you please zip me back up? It's kinda cold…"

Mello slowly zipped the nightdress up, his knuckle brushing the back of her warm neck, causing her to shudder for reasons she had yet to fathom. "You have inner demons, Mello. At least, I think you do. I may be wrong. And I'm sorry if I am….There. I said my apology for the other night." She said awkwardly, rolling her eyes at Mello's cocked eyebrow.

"You know what I mean by I'm sorry, Mello."

"…You're confusing, girl. Saying something that I_** think**_ was you trying too hard to be heartfelt and then you adding in a random apology for two different occasions." Mello said, smirking as Emily crossed her arms and almost glowered at him, saying in reply, "At least I know how to be heartfelt."

Mello chuckled before reaching out and pulling Emily into his arms, watching her eyes widen and her lips stutter, "W-w-what?" As he held her close, he whispered, "Thanks for trying for me."

"M-m-Mello! Are you sure you're o.k.? This isn't like you, a-at a-all." She mumbled, face redder than a neon stop sign as she looked up at him, eyes still wide. It was almost as if Mello snapped back to reality since he let her go fast and coughed, shocked with his own actions.

Emily looked up at him, face putting her scarlet highlights to shame, as she whispered, "I guess it's my turn to be impulsive, huh?" With that, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him, first on the cheek then on the lips.

Once.

Twice.

Thrice.

Each time soft and sweet, each time surprising both of them as Mello returned the kisses, each time a bit harder than before. Their moment ended when Emily pulled away abruptly and whispered, "Um…Goodnight, Mello." Doing a mock salute before she opened the bathroom door and walked out, dazed, and yet, smiling.

Mello stood in front of the mirror, alone once more, but for some reason, now whenever he looked in the mirror, he imagined Emily standing next to him, still holding his hand. He shook his head as if to get himself out of a daze, muttered, "I'm getting soft…" before retreating to his bedroom.

* * *

I just realized...Aly and A.J's album "Into the Rush." suits Emily really well!


	10. Something fragile to risk everything for

Emily stared at her laptop's screen, bidding a silent goodbye to Sayu as she watched her friend being rescued by her father. A perfectly round teardrop rolled down her face, but she wiped it away before it could come near her mouth, feeling no desire to taste the warm saltiness that her tears often had for flavor. _Would my father have rescued me if he was still alive? Would anyone of my family risk their life for me? Is there even somebody who would sacrifice something for me? _She asked herself, sitting up and sniffling as a few more tears tried to escape their fate of being wiped away.

Emily cleared her throat and got up, shutting her laptop as she did. With Sayu now gone, she was back to helping Amy with menial chores or doing special assignments that involved her laptop more than other people. She sighed as she glanced at her laptop again, knowing that she still had to complete a few tasks with that technological device._ I'll take a shower, grab something to eat and then get back to work…I swear, I'm going to get arthritis from typing so much for Mello. Mello…_

A warm feeling flushed through her cheeks before running down through her veins, all the way to her toes when she thought of Mello. And she didn't know why as she felt her face turn red as she thought about him, more specifically on that night when she had actually…kissed him. Willingly. And she had….liked it. No, "like" was an understatement. The correct term would be "love". She had loved it.

"Eh?" She mumbled to herself, feeling her cheeks burn hotter than the sun, something she wasn't used to. She was accustomed to being calm and collected, not surprised/confused and nervous/anxious/ embarrassed. She shook her head at herself, but her act of self-denial did nothing to stop her heart from beating faster than usual. Emily sighed as she went to gather some clean clothes to change into after her shower- she only found the worn, black hoodie with holes in the sleeves for her thumbs, as well as the holey skinny jeans she had been wearing when Mello had rescued her. _He was my knight in shining armor, on a white horse that night…more like the mobster in black leather on a motorcycle. _ She quipped silently, chuckling briefly before sighing in dismay. She glanced in the mirror that was leaning up against the bedroom wall, wondering what Mello had seen when he had looked at her that night. Emily closed her eyes, trying to remember what she had looked like that night. Her self-applied red highlights had been super bright that night, she knew that because she remembered applying it before leaving her apartment. She had probably, otherwise, had looked like crap, in her opinion. She hadn't a high opinion of herself then- she had seen herself only as the skinny, sickly pale, emo/goth girl who had that blank look forever pasted on her face. She stared hard at the mirror now, noticing some major differences now.

The first one was, shockingly, the fact that the once super dark bags under her eyes were nearly gone. She credited this to the possible feelings of security and protection of knowing Mello, who she doubted gave a real crap about her, was in the room next to hers. The second one was that her red streaks were faded into nothing more than perhaps a dark red color, as opposed to the flaming red one that they had been months back. The third one…was that now…she was actually, automatically, smiling instead of frowning or such. It was then did she realize that she actually looked pretty, that she actually looked as what B had described her as those years ago, over and over. _When I look at you, Death, I see a little porcelain doll,something fragile. It seems that you don't see that though, huh, Deathie? Someday, someone will help you see._ Emily's eyes widened as she whispered aloud, "Could Mello be…? No, never- he's not that kind of person…" She shook her head at herself, warning her heart not to think that it was all thanks to Mello that these changes had occurred, or that he had helped her see.

Emily sighed again before throwing her hands up in dismay, surrendering to the concept that either way, she was wasting her time thinking about Mello when she could be showering.

_After all, _she thought as she walked to the bathroom and past Mello in a hurry, trying hard to hide her cherry red face, _who said I can't do both at once? I can multitask…_

* * *

It was later that same day, well,_ night _by this time (it was about 10:45), as Mello paced his sitting room, thinking about one thing and one thing only.

Emily.

He hadn't started out thinking on this topic- quite the opposite. He had been thinking about how easily the trade had gone that morning. It had gone smoothly, according to plan. Of course, he still was waiting for the "aftershocks" of this trade- the father's revenge, for one thing. Nonetheless, it had gone perfectly. And part of the credit belonged to Emily.

He had to admit, if it hadn't been for Emily caring and comforting Sayu, the prisoner would've been in worse shape than being traumatized. He wasn't about to apologize to Emily for yelling at her weeks back when she had started mothering the girl who had been older than her. He knew that if he did, she'd have more control over him.

As if she didn't have too much control over him already.

And that was what lead to Mello thinking about Emily feverishly, without shame as he considered her and her influence over him. Just that morning, before the trade, she had convinced him to let her watch the deal being finished via laptop, something he wouldn't have let anyone do normally- he had usually felt that some things were meant to be private business or just private in general, therefore he would've vetoed any permission for anything to do with business. But he had found it impossible to do with Emily, finding it hard to even watch her smile joyfully and brief without wanting to watch her smile over and over or repeat every word just so he could hear her tone, words and voice. Hell, he had caught himself numerous times, mouth agape and staring like a codfish with wonder whenever he heard whatever strains of her voice singing something, be it a mindless little hum or a real song.

He sighed angrily as he threw his hands up in the air, muttered, "For Christ's sake!" as he stalked to the door, yanking it open and stomping his way to his room, ready to jerk his door open when he saw a white light, probably from a laptop, coming from under Emily's door. Raising an eyebrow, he softly opened the door and poked his head in, not knowing if he should be annoyed or curious that Emily was even up late.

His eyes treated the room nothing more than a second glance; his attention was mostly held by Emily, laying on her stomach on her futon, laptop in front of her and a hand lightly resting on the keys as her other hand served as a pillow, papers scattered around her as she snoozed, her hair in her face, causing her nose to twitch every so often. Mello quietly made his way over to her sleeping form, gently removing the laptop out of her grasp as he turned it around and read the screen,standing as he did, realizing that she had been finishing up a report. He rolled his eyes at her, muttering, "Leave it to you to work yourself to you collapse…" despite his initial admiration of her dedication.

He sighed, though, when he realized that she shouldn't be sleeping in her clothes or with her papers around her- not because it would damage her in any way, but because it would somewhat annoy her in the morning if she realized that she had actually fallen asleep on the job. Rolling his eyes again, he whispered to himself, "Why me?" before putting her laptop down and removing her nightgown, the one she usually wore, from the chair it had been folded on. Trying not to think of how wrong- and yet, how right- it felt to be undressing and then redressing the girl, Mello removed Emily's hoodie and jeans, leaving her in her undergarments and socks before helping her get the night clothes on. Laying her back down for a moment, he quickly organized the scattered papers and put them in her laptop bag before picking her up and repositioning her so that she was on her back, head on pillow. Emily automatically moved, rolling onto her side and clasping her hands under her head, causing Mello to tense for a moment as he prayed like hell that she hadn't woken up. And in one last action to fully complete the job of getting ready for bed, Mello gently brushed the hair out of her face, finding his fingers to naturally stroke her cheeks after the task was finished.

He sat back now, looking at her proudly, half pleased with himself and half fascinated with her. She was on her back once again and her hair fanned out across her pillow, giving her the look of an angel as the moonlight shined through the window and onto her pale charmingly innocent face. He felt a lump in his throat for an unknown reason, but he soon pinpointed the feeling that came along with the hidden cause as confusion, no, awe. Emily, he had to admit, looked so sweet and gentle at the moment. (Although, he admitted again, she looked sweet all the time…unless she was ticked off. Either way, she was always attractive in his sight.) But there was something more, something fragile in how she looked. Something that made Mello lose any desire whatsoever to hurt her, break her or do anything to cause her pain, unless he had to.

He would hurt her if he had to, to catch Kira- he would do anything to be number one. But now…he was starting to reconsider as he looked and watched her again. She barely moved, other than the gentle rise and fall of her breathing, soft sighs and a small, ghost of a content smile. Mello knew what laid under that smile and he knew that if he hurt her, then that smile- and whatever else, including what was underneath the smile- would be lost to him.

He rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation at himself before giving into one simple urge before he got up and left:

He leaned over her form, stroked the hair out of her eyes one last time, and kissed her softly, pulling away and whispering, "Sweet Dreams, Emily…" before he walked out and to his room, mentally kicking himself for not staying distant from her and for even giving into his feelings and desires, as he climbed into bed.

_At least Emily will never know…that I think she's someone worth protecting, that she's something fragile…_He thought as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Here's a link to a picture of Emily-

/fanart/view/344457/emily

Elle XVI is the artist to this wonderful picture!

Many thanks to her and all of you readers! This is my first story to reach 10 chapters and I'm psyched!

Please review if you like it even a little!


	11. To forsake Or to love?

It wasn't even 4 days after the morning Emily had discovered her nightgown on backwards (something alerting her of a visitor who had dressed her…and obviously didn't care to put her nightgown on properly), when Emily noticed a distinct difference in the atmosphere between her and Mello…

Emily yawned again as she pushed a curl out of her eyes, one hand still typing up the latest report from the seemingly never-ending request pile. It was one o'clock in the morning and yet, here she was, still typing, forgetting about her need to sleep as she continued to type, her attention captivated by the words being composed on the bright portable computer's screen. She fought back another yawn as she smiled proudly, albeit the smile also being sleepy, at her now finished report before saving it and then emailing it to Mello.

Her shoulders slumped a bit now, as did her smile as she remembered why she wasn't just walking the two steps separating their rooms to give the report to him- he was too busy to see her, holing himself up in the surveillance room for days at a time, the only people helping him maintain contact with the world being Matt and a few of the mafia members. Emily sighed and squared her shoulders, rubbing out the sleep out of her eyes-as well as some tears- as she glanced at the list of other report topics, wondering how many of these were really important, and how many were just created for the sole purpose to keep her out of Mello's hair. Emily sighed, a bit annoyed with Mello, knowing him to probably do something of the sort, but the root of her annoyance was deeper than that.

She knew that he was ignoring her-willingly or unintentionally, it mattered not- either way, she was being ignored, point blank period.

Emily sighed again, feeling now how pointless it was to be angry at Mello- he had his mission, she had hers. She should know by now that he didn't care about anything else- just his mission. He didn't give a crap about her feelings, she had known that from the first day at Wammy's. And he probably never would care about her enough to know or to even sense her feelings in the first place. Emily gasped in silent realization as she became aware of something she felt she knew all along, but chose to ignore- Mello could never love her, never could he understand her or care for her. It was useless to start loving him with that in mind…and yet….

Here she sat, on her own free will, thinking about him, caring about him, worried and protective of him. She sighed to herself, letting her past annoyance take root again in her heart, letting the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness turn the annoyance into determination- to either hate Mello, or to forsake him by ignoring him, as he was to her.

She knew that she could never hate Mello, despite him being an easy person to abhor, but only because of her attraction to him, something she now likened to one of those bug zappers that blows up anything that comes close to it. It was because of that attraction did she decide to disregard Mello in any way possible, even though her own heart would take more pain than his would.

With that, she turned her focus back onto the laptop's screen, devoted to the sole purpose of losing herself in something that helped her forget Mello- her research.

* * *

It was the next morning when Mello slowly opened his eyes, finding himself still in the surveillance room, the laptop that sat in front of him screen's showing his email account and an open email that was Emily's latest research report. He scowled at himself, feeling as if he had lost precious time by falling asleep before he stood and stretched, deciding to print out the report instead of sitting down again to finish reading it, having no desire to possibly falling asleep again. The last page was just about done printing when the door opened and someone stepped in, a tray of food for him in her hands.

Emily stared at him blankly as if she was staring _through_ him, not exactly _at_ him, face not portraying any emotion as she walked past him and set the tray down on the table. Mello took the moments of silence to notice that her blue eyes had dark bags under them and that she hadn't bothered to change into actual clothes- she had slipped a zip up hoodie over her nightgown- and her raven hair was in a high ponytail. These were trivial details, true, but after being too busy to come into contact with her, he welcomed her appearance gladly.

"Did you get the other reports done?"

Mello felt ready to bang his head on the wall now as he realized that casual conversations usually didn't start out questions like that, especially when the conversations were with Emily, but she nodded quietly. The feeling passed as Emily remained silent while she walked to one of the monitors and devoted herself to taking notes on the pad of paper that had been her pocket as she observed the camera feed that was being transmitted from the hacked security cameras in the Japanese Police's current U.S. police branch. She said nothing as she scribbled down certain behaviors and reactions of the Kira investigation group, completely ignoring the question and its asker, her eyes trained on every face except for Mello's.

Mello shrugged to himself as he asked, "Did Matt inform you of where you'll be going when it's time to leave the hideout?" This was met with a silent shake of the head as the girl continued writing down the psychological clues of who was Kira in the group in question. Mello shrugged again before launching into a detailed description of his plan for the deserting of the hideout, not noticing the slight tremor in Emily's hands as he explained to her that she would be sent ahead to Japan, along with Amy while he and Matt would stay in a different part of L.A. for the time being.

"What do you think?" He asked when he was finished, wondering why she wasn't replying as Emily continued with her task, now noticing her hands trembling, as well as the deliberate silence.

Anger and annoyance built up inside Mello as the seconds ticked by in silence, knowing that this treatment was a far cry from simply not hearing his words. He stomped up behind her, tapping her shoulder and discovering that the term "cold shoulder" had a lot of truth to it as he felt almost as if a freezing wind was emanating from her when she turned to finally look at him, her cold blue eyes becoming frozen as she hissed, "What do you want?" The piercing glare escaping her eyes shocked him, never seeing this look in her eyes before. It was odd how her eyes could now both scorch and cold and piercing, as well as warm at times. Especially because her eyes' color was closer to ice than fire.

"What's wrong with you? You never act like this…" Mello replied, now matching her glare with his. Emily continued to glare, as she muttered, "What do you think? You're always focused on one thing- winning! You don't even consider someone's feelings! You're being selfish again! I hate that about you! You ignore things that could possibly make you happy! AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!" She yelled shrilly, glaring and scowling at him, knowing that her angry defense was weakening, that the pain this morning had already caused her was soon about to show.

Mello's eyebrows were raised despite his scowl as he yelled back, " WHAT DON'T I KNOW? EXPLAIN! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!"

They both glared at each other, Emily not replying, knowing that if she broke the silence, she'd have to surrender, Mello knowing that if he spoke, he'd be surrendering as well. She finally looked away,turning away before turning back to him, her face portraying an emotion other than anger- sadness, hurt and confusion.

"You wouldn't understand. I don't care anymore…I'll try not to anyways…But you wouldn't understand…you don't have time for it…you're too busy for it, if you're too busy to even saw hi to me when we pass in the hall…you…just don't care."

Tears now splashed on the cold floor as she mumbled, "I knew it…all along, I knew…why couldn't I have seen…?" She turned away, ready to run, feeling like it was a mistake that she was even here, in the same room as him, looking back at him as he grabbed her hands and pulled her close to his chest, close enough for her to feel the heat emitting from him and to smell his scent, a mix between his cologne, chocolate and just him.

She looked up at him numbly, biting her lip as he asked, "You know why I've been ignoring you, don't you? Yes, I have been busy, but I haven't been too busy for you…you could've just walked in and talked to me if you wanted to…" Emily's eyes widened for a fraction of a moment before they returned to normal, that action in itself prodding Mello to continue.

"And the only reason why I'd want you in Japan is because I know you'd be safe there, and you'd help a lot with the case…and I'd join you later…" This time her eyes had widened and stayed wide, surprised before becoming skeptical.

"That's what every guy who wants a girl gone says to get her to leave…" She whispered sullenly, wondering why Mello pulled her closer still. Her answer came when Mello leaned down and kissed her roughly, and yet passionately, letting go of one of her hands as he stroked back some of her hair, smirking into the kiss as she wrapped an arm around his neck. Emily had a feeling that Mello had meant the kiss to be comforting and soft, not to hurt her, to help her heart back together, but things had changed when their lips met. Mello's mouth was abruptly hard and rough against hers, his hands trapping her face to his as his lips moved hers in urgent and unfamiliar patterns. It was so different from their first kiss, something she had hated before. This was so different and so much stronger.

Emily couldn't control her hands as they reached for Mello, for his face, for his blond locks as she felt the desire to twine her fingers in his hair. The two pulled away for only a few seconds, their breathing being the only sound in the otherwise silent surveillance room and in those short moments, her breathing being wild, ragged gasps, his being fierce, almost snarling and yet panting. They kissed again, Emily wrapping both arms around Mello's neck and digging her nails into his back, smiling proudly as she heard the almost inaudible moan escape his throat as Mello's arms snaked around her waist, gripping it and massaging it softly as he did.

Sighing, Emily pulled away, watching Mello smirk as he leaned his forehead on hers as they both struggled to get their breath back. "Would a guy who's trying to get rid of a girl do that?" He asked, grinning cheekily as he leaned in and kissed her again, but this time too rough and too quick. It scared her immensely and couldn't help it as negative, frightened thoughts flooded her head, distracting her from this moment.

Her hand slowly traced his jaw before dropping to her side and becoming a fist. "N-!" she mumbled to herself as she pulled back her arm and hit Mello square in the jaw, knocking him back. They stared at each other, Mello rubbing his jaw, surprised that it actually hurt, Emily horrorstruck and humiliated as she whispered, "A guy trying to get rid of a girl would probably kiss her like that to reassure her…but with you…I don't know." She turned and ran to the door, yanking it open and surprising Matt, who had been about to turn the doorknob. She ran past him, tears staining her face as she hid it from him.

Mello was still rubbing his jaw, chuckling in disbelief as Matt entered, muttering, "You made her cry again, man…And she punched you? Man, what did you do?"

"I kissed her."

"Nice one, Mello…" Matt muttered back, wondering why Emily really was crying.


	12. Burns and scarstears and love

Fire…scorching, dancing scarlet flames….That was all Mello could see as he tried to escape the destruction he himself had caused. He coughed again, choking as the black, putrid smoke invaded his nose, causing him to stop for a moment as he tried to breath. He just couldn't find his way out. Mello barked out a laugh, despite the smoke making it sound more like a hoarse cough, as he recognized the irony- he had carefully planned how he would blow the hideout to kingdom come when the time came, but not how he'd get out when he did. Any ambition, any determination, anything to make him strive to stay alive was nearly gone. He was ready to be beaten, having no real motivation as he recognized the possibility of never getting out of here alive, only as a burnt corpse the firefighters would later find.

Only another fire scarred body and a memory to remind and to haunt Emily if she could see him now. Just imagining his potential funeral with her in the back row, crying…and knowing that Kira would be laughing at his death in relief urged Mello forward, even though he knew it was pointless. He coughed and groaned again as he leaned against a wall, feeling tired and almost…hopeless- a word he hated- as he closed his eyes and remembered that morning, long before he had reaped his own destruction as it seemed…. And wondering if Emily was sharing his thoughts from outside the flaming inferno that used to be a building…

* * *

And indeed, she was, as she stared at the building, something she was likening to hell as she felt the heat emanating from it on her face and as she smelled the malodorous smoke, hands clutched on her lap as tears tried to escape while she prayed and remembered not only that morning, but other instances when fire had caused her pain….but this morning's memory was taking a hold of her chiefly now….

"_I'll leave for Japan AFTER I make sure you get out of that building alive! That's the only way I'll go!" Emily declared as she glared at Mello, the person who, for the past hour, had been insisting and demanding that she leave and go to Japan with Amy that very second. Mello glared back as he replied, for the tenth time at least, "We talked about this, Emily- you're going. RIGHT NOW!" _

_Emily scowled as she put her hands on her hips, glowering at him as she hissed, "And I'm telling you now- my way is the best way for both of us." _

"_Why do you say that? And why do you even want to stay to make sure I'm still alive? I thought you didn't care for me that much, Emily." Emily's cheeks heated extremely before she tossed her head and looked away from him, replying a bit coldly as she tried to hide her surprise, "I say that because then at least I'd know for sure- and I wouldn't get in your way. Therefore, it would work for both of us. And I want to make sure you're alive because…"_

_Emily was hesitating, unsure on how to answer…without telling him…what she felt. She felt so many things right then, among them being admiration, trust, fear…and love. She now flushed as she remembered to add "apologetic' to the list of things she felt towards him- she had yet to apologize to him for pushing him away when they kissed recently….her cheeks were burning hotter by the second now. Mello obviously noticed her hesitation as he started to get slightly impatient, saying, "Well? Spit it out."_

_Emily looked up at him, before she told only half the truth, the only half she could tell without being totally and completely rejected, "I know that I can depend on you to catch Kira. We both have our reasons for wanting Kira brought to justice. You want to beat Near and avenge L…I want to avenge Beyond and get this case over with…so I can forget anything and everything that has happened these past couple months…and just move on with my life. We both want to just forget all that has happened…and by catching Kira, we'd be able to do so…That's why I don't want you to die now…" She looked at him, unaware that the smile on her face was sad and a bit bitter, which, when paired with red cheeks and sad eyes, told the rest of the truth to Mello silently- I care about you so much it almost hurts to be near you…And if you were to die…if I were to lose you…I just wouldn't be able to bear it…_

_For those reasons- the spoken and the silent- he finally muttered, "You have to stay with Matt the whole time. And then, afterwords, you go straight to the airport, and get right on the next plane for Japan…" Emily looked up at him and smiled as sincere as she could, whispering, "Thank you…" as she nodded to him as she turned and exited his room, her fingers already laced together as she started to pray, intuition warning her that Mello was going in over his head…this time, farther before, perhaps past the point of reckoning, past the point of no return, to the point of an immediate and potential death…._

Emily was still staring at the flames as she asked Matt a simple question- "Mello would call you if he needed help, right?" Matt looked up from his game, the only thing halfway taking his attention away from the ugly truth, that Mello may not come back, following her gaze with his eyes, towards the flames that raged at least 15 feet away. A simple question to her was a more complicated one for him, because he knew that Mello would be stubborn, that he wouldn't call for help unless he truly needed it in his own opinion.

Emily turned and glanced at the red-haired boy's eyes, recognizing the doubt and fear that lit them, and before she could stop herself, she reached over and patted his shoulder, murmuring, "He'll know when to call…he'll probably call soon…" They both were silent, hoping that her words were true. Emily sighed as she hopped off the car's hood, her seat for the past half hour, stretching just to do something to calm her nerves. She stared at the flames before shutting her eyes and letting her memories of fire display themselves, like pictures in a scrapbook, one page after another, pages that she longed to rip out and burn….

_Broken glass by my feet, soapy hands that burned a bit from the hot water that had lead to the plate's destruction…and they were angry at me again…_

_A younger me is crying, crouching and trying to disappear in the corner I had ran into, trying to escape their anger, sobbing harder as my fake father pulled me by the arm out of my pathetic hiding place roughly, without mercy as my equally enraged "mother" screamed at me… "You little brat! You broke my best dish! You selfish, careless girl- you did it on purpose, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU!" I remained silent, my eyes wide as sobs convulsed throughout my small frame as "father" smacked me, shouting "Answer her, you little bitch!"_

_More tears poured as I softly begged, begged the best a scared four year old who had lost everything could, "D-don't hit me, daddy…I-I didn't do a-anything b-bad! I-I'm s-sorry…I-I didn't m-mean to drop the dish, Mommy…I didn't!" I screamed as she grabbed me and shook me until my teeth chattered as she called me a liar…I was used to this…I was about to shut down and wait it out…until they began to tie my hands to the door frame and light cigarettes and matches…all I could do is scream as excruciating pain is being burned into my back, scream as I cry harder before they untie me and drag me outside, shoving me roughly into the car trunk…where I curl into a ball and continue to cry as my back is raw and still feeling as if its burning, wishing that I could cool it down somehow, wishing….for someone to care about me._

_Someone to protect me. Someone to take care of my boo-boos and put a band aid on every cut or injury…someone to at least __**care! **_

_But it's all pointless…the last thing I whisper before I fall asleep that night in the dirty car trunk- "But the water was so hot, mommy…and the soap was so slippery…it was an accident…honest…"_

"Only an accident, honestly, mom…" Emily mumbled to herself numbly before her head snapped up as she heard the flames roar as they grew larger, engulfing the entire building and making it look even more like hell… _There's no way…that Mello could possibly survive…let alone escape! _She gasped to herself when that thought came to mind, only that thought urging her to say to Matt, "We need to go find him. NOW."

Matt glanced up at her, a bit surprised at the tone in her voice. He had only talked to her once or twice without Mello present or Amy dictating the conversation…and Emily had come across to his as unattached and quiet, someone who loses themselves in their task to get away from people and problems…someone like him. Not someone like Mello, with his feelings exploding everywhere and always talking, not like him at all in the aspect of working strategy- Mello focused on one task at a time and lost himself in it only to get it done perfectly the first time around; Emily and Matt were forever doing odd jobs, as well as their original assignments, and they allowed themselves an occasional mistake. (Although, Matt knew it was harder for Emily to allow the mistakes- he could tell by how she acted that she was used to getting barked at about doing something wrong, that she was eager-to-please and a perfectionist…someone who, if you told them to run, would run as fast and as far as they could, until they collapsed…) She never gave orders, or even suggestions- she usually followed them. That was why he had a little trouble taking in her declaration- it was very Mello-ish. Not that he'd tell her that…she'd probably get pissed if she was told that…

It was when Matt looked to the building and realized just how much the fire had grown did he understand why a bit of action was required. "Emily..WAIT!" Matt shouted as he saw the girl bolt for the building, sprinting after her as he saw her start to kick a caved in door,desperate to open it. 'Emily- wait! You can't go in there yourself!" He yelled as he pulled her away from the door. She looked back at him and replied, scared, "But Mello…if he's in there any longer…he'll die!" " I'm going in after him- but you need to stay here- got it?" Matt told her, kicking down the door the rest of the way, not expecting her to run past him when he finished. "Emily-no! Shit!" he cursed, sprinting after her, now having to look for both Mello and Emily. "Stay alive until I can find you...please you guys..." He mumbled as he continued to run.

* * *

A burst of heat formally welcomed Emily into the burning hideout that she had called home for the past several months, as she entered the building, fearing the worst- that Mello was dead. Despite the intense heat- and the hesitation caused by her fear of getting burned- Emily plunged into the flames, pulling her shirt up over her nose to protect herself from the smoke, but the fabric didn't muffle her as she screamed the only words she cared to scream at the moment- "MELLO! WHERE ARE YOU? MELLO, PLEASE ANSWER!"

"Please…answer…" Emily whispered to herself as she let tears fall into her hands as she nodded to Matt when he suggested that they split up, to cover more ground that way. She turned and ran deeper into the flames, careful to ignore the heat and the memories of the pain the heat's source caused…

Mello slowly opened his eyes, wondering if he was hallucinating as he heard Emily screaming his name.

_Emily? W-why is she in here? Is she really…looking for me? Why?_

Mello urged himself to walk and then to run towards Emily, wondering all the while why. Why she was even in here, trying to save him...why did she even care to look for him...

It didn't matter- that's what he decided as he continued to run towards the sound of Emily's voice, run until he saw her up ahead.

Surrounded by flames and frozen with fear as her wide eyes saw the burning ceiling beam start to fall as she let out a scream of terror...

* * *

Emily stared around her, ready to give up. She felt her heart being squeezed tighter and tighter as she tried to even imagine the possibility. The possibility...that he may never come back...

"No...no,no, no,no,no,no! He's going to come back...Mello doesn't quit...he's a fighter, like BB..." But she knew that even BB, her protector, her guardian, her first love that stemmed mostly from gratitude...had practically gone up in flames...she knew that people weren't flame proof...

She had discovered that on the first day that Beyond opened his eyes after getting burned...

_Beyond shuddered as he woke up, his eyes becoming wide in shock, not from being unable to adjust to the florescent light of the hospital. His eyes...the only things truly untouched by the flames, darted about the room, trying to look for a familiar face...until he found mine._

_I stared at him numbly, hating how his smile was childishly sheepish and ashamed, as if he was embarrassed, when in all reality, that was his apologetic smile. I continued to stare until his shame took over and he averted his gaze, mumbling, "Don't look at me..." I didn't obey as I reached for his hand, feeling how calloused and warm it was the flames...I sighed, whispering, "I told you that fire was dangerous...you didn't listen..."_

_I sighed again as I pulled my hand away and set it on the book in my lap, a book that caused Beyond to smile sardonically at me as he read the title "Crime and Punishment." He then sighed as well, asking, "Is that you're reading material for the Wammy entrance exam?"_

_I sighed as well, smiling bitterly as I whispered, "Yup- you're looking at B, the second generation of Beyond Birthday...at least, that's what I'll be when I get to Wammy's...If I get in..."_

_"Of course you will- you had to be bumped up several grades this year...and last year and the year before..." "I'm running out of grades to skip...so yeah, maybe I'll make it." We both smiled at each other, both of us in pain, both of us trying to avoid the elephant in the room- BB's arrest and his upcoming court date, the day when he'll be formally accused of murder...and taken away from me forever..._

_I get up and turn towards the door, saying, "I have to go- Miss Misora said only for a few minutes..."_

_"Deathie?" Beyond asked, and I turned away from the door, my blood running ice cold through my veins...He never used my pet name, unless his words were to be painful or cryptic._

_"When I die...I want to be cremated...After all, I'm half-cooked anyways...heh heh..." He tried to joke, but his chuckling stopped as tears, weaker than their precedents, the tears that had been shed last night in sobs, ran down my face as I whispered, "You shouldn't talk like that...you shouldn't be talking at all... Bye, Beyond...I'll be going now..."_

_And I walked out the door, eager to hide my tears...I surrendered to them when I got to the car, wondering if he knew how much it actually hurt to hear him say that...when he said that, that was when I realized that I could lose BB...permanently..._

_Never again would I lose a loved one to fire...never again would I submit to that..._

EMily opened her eyes slowly, feeling as if she was letting herself- or at least Beyond- down by wanting to give up looking for Mello...he didn't deserve a quitter on his team...

She was brought out of her thoughts by the cracking of burning wood over her head...Her head snapped up in time to see a ceiling beam make its descent...she hated herself for it, and yet, she screamed in terror and shock, closing her eyes, ready to feel the burning wood pin her to the floor and leave her to die among flames.

"I'm sorry...Mello, forgive me...I...l-loved you..." she whispered only loud enough for herself to hear, wondering where the words had come from in her heart- and also why. She knew it didn't matter as her own namesake- Death- came to take her for itself...

That was until she felt something- no, _someone_- run to her and ultimately tackled her, pushing her out of harm's way as she now found herself on the ground, Mello next to her, panting and nearly unconscious.

"Mello!" Emily cried out, surprised, rolling over and crawling to him, wondering if he was going to be ok.

"Aghhh..." He groaned in reply, his eyes glancing into hers, exhaustion making them slightly glaze over before he shut them, letting out a breath as he let himself fall unconscious, having used up the remaining bit of energy to save her.

Emily, sighing in relief, pulled out her phone and called Matt, looking at Mello's scar and grimacing as she did, her relief and happiness of finding Mello (as well as the now reoccurring thought that she owed him, **BIG TIME**) covered her worry as she declared into her phone "Matt...Mello's alive...he's with me. He's alright, thank god..."

Shoving her phone back in her pocket, Emily stood after gently leaning Mello on her shoulder as she started to make her way to the growing inferno's entrance, all the while wondering what had provoked Mello to run, to waste precious energy, and to save her. She glanced at his face and smiled, despite herself, thinking of how peaceful he looked when he slept...even with his new scar, that marked the left side of his face, a scar that would remind Mello of the night he escaped the hands of death...and would remind Emily of the night she discovered the unthinkable.

She was in love with her savior, Mihael Keehl.


	13. Wistful

Emily sat silently next to the bed, swinging her legs idly as she stared out the window, glancing every few seconds at Mello, who slept soundly now, bandages wrapped around his wounds, including the scar on his face. She sighed, a bit sadly, a bit relieved, a bit….wistfully as she gazed at him, smiling and thinking, for the millionth time that day, of how calm and how attractive Mello looked when he slept. _Granted, _she thought as she snickered a little, _his mouth is closed when he sleeps…no bossing around…_ She smiled a bit more as she reached over and gently moved some hair out of Mello's face, happy to listen to his even breathing, happy to know that he was alive, that he hadn't died at the hands of the flames.

She felt her heartbeats speed up a bit as she closed her eyes and remembered how he had saved her, how he had collapsed practically in her arms…how she had fell fully into love at that moment when she had seen his scar for the first time, when she had realized that she had had the feelings all along, that her eyes had needed to be opened the way they did to know the inevitable.

She loved him- too much, in her _logical_ opinion, and yet not enough, in her illogical/in love opinion. She loved him and yet she knew that it wasn't enough to change anything, not even his mind, let alone his feelings- she'd only get hurt more. He'd hurt her more, hurt her worse than before, just because of this affection for him. And she was willing to take that pain- she couldn't deny her own thoughts, thoughts such as _I more than deserve whatever pain is coming to me. I hope it hurts bad…I hope I suffer…after all, he saved me…and I fell in love like a fool…and yet, unlike a fool, who resists things, I'm accepting it…like a wise, logical person…something I'm not anymore. _

She sighed as the speed of her swinging legs increased, closing her eyes and feeling stupid as Matt walked in, his thumbs dancing across the handheld video game as he entered, looking up for a moment, mouth ready to say "My shift to watch him now, I guess" but as he looked at her face, his words quickly changed to "Why are you crying?" "Oh….!" Emily mumbled, surprised as she realized that indeed, there were tears descending down her cheeks and falling on the blue denim of her skinny jeans, wondering why she was crying as well as she mumbled, " Why, indeed…"

Matt raised an eyebrow, but he sat next to her anyways, maybe because that was the only available seat in the room. The next awkward moments were filled with silence, the exception being the 'pings' of Matt's game. Emily had nearly dozed off, her eyes closing steadily, before Matt coughed and mumbled, "I have a question." Emily looked over at him, unable to read his eyes through the orange tinted goggles as she asked softly, "What is it, Matt?"

"You care about me and Amy." Emily raised an eyebrow, wondering when the definition of question had changed into the definition of statement, but she answered anyways- "Yes- as friends. As dear, special friends…I guess that's the best way to put it…"

"And Mello?" Matt was staring at her now, his game paused as he waited for an answer. Emily hoped that she wasn't blushing at all as she asked calmly, "What about him?"

"What do you think about him?"

Emily's cheeks were red now, but she ignored it as she replied, "Mello is….Mello believes me and in me, I think…He watches over me. He protects and understands me. He can be kind …for a mafia leader. I feel so…I don't know…happy? Relieved? Lucky? In love? I don't know…but I feel something when he's around…but it's probably only me who feels like that, when it comes to our relationship…"

"You sure?"

"Yup- absolutely."

She thought she heard Matt mumble to himself "They are so blind…it's more in Mello's case though…huh."As he shook his head, going back to his game. Emily grimaced a bit, shrugged to herself and got up, deciding that it was about time to change Mello's bandages as she walked out of the room, going into the kitchen to grab not only more bandages, but also some hot water, a washcloth and a water bottle. When she returned, it seemed that Matt was too into his game to help at the moment so she let him be, carefully sitting Mello sit up as she undid the old bandages, trying not to blush as she surveyed his chest, noticing again how muscular Mello actually was, wishing that she didn't gawk in amazement every time she saw him like that. _Ugh…I go to help him with something like this…and instead, I'm gaping at his muscles, not his wounds…pathetic…_ She sighed, smiling softly as she got to work, carefully rewrapping every wound, saving his face scar for last. As she slowly finished her task, she glanced at Matt, and seeing that Matt wasn't looking, she gently moved some of Mello's bangs, leaned down and kissed his forehead, knowing that since he wasn't awake, she could do as she pleased.

"I saw that."

Emily automatically straightened up and backed away from the bed as she turned to look at him, surprised and a bit embarrassed. She smiled a bit sheepishly as she turned towards him, not knowing what to say in her defense, but she was at a loss of words as Matt paused his game again, looking up at her. He then shook his head, looking down at his game before muttering, "Why do you love him, Em? He's never showed you any of his real feelings…"

Emily took a deep breath before countering Matt's statement with, "He's never showed you any of his real feelings, either, so…I don't see why that would affect my feelings for him, either way…but to answer your question…." She sighed, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples for a second before looking at him and stating clearly, "…I don't know. It's like…I can't _**NOT **_love him. It's as if I was made to love him…Despite everything, I just can't stop loving him…as cheesy as it sounds…"

She glanced at him and asked, a bit curious, "Why are you so chatty?"

Matt looked up and gave a half smile as he glanced over at Mello, still asleep on his bed, as he mumbled, "I just wanted to know…just in case anything went weird between you two…I don't want to be the awkward idiot who is clueless about what is going on with relationships…I feel like I'm going to be the third wheel anyways…"

That 'third wheel' statement caught her off guard as she looked back at him from the doorway, on her way to start dinner for the two of them, as it was unlikely, in her opinion, that Mello would wake up anytime soon…

She tilted her head, the questions in her mind being displayed in her eyes. "Do you know something I don't, Matt?"

"Not at all- can you fix dinner soon? I'm hungry…"

Emily smiled, shaking her head as she murmured, "Sure, why not?" as she exited the room, walking down the hall to the kitchen of the tiny apartment she shared, hoping that she didn't find out later that Mello had been awake the whole time…because she knew that Mello wouldn't let her live it down if he had heard…

Not that Matt would let her forget what she had said about his best friend either…

"Leave it to me to embarrass myself in front of someone who can tell Mello how I feel without blinking…" She mumbled, letting herself smile as she silently hoped that Mello actually had been awake…so that he'd have been able to hear her say how she felt…and so he could've felt her kiss.

She smiled and shrugged, mumbling, "Oh well…he'll find out, sooner or later…" as she went into the kitchen, simply pulling out a frozen pizza and popping it in the oven as she started to hum the lullaby her mother had sang to her when she was afraid.

The same lullaby she herself sang to Mello the night the hideout went up in flames, as his head had rested on her lap as she sat in the back seat, cradling him and praying.

Praying that he could love her like she loved him…hoping that he did.

A small hope…but a hope, nonetheless…


	14. Hostage

_Personal affection is a luxury you can have only after all of your enemies are eliminated. Until then, everyone you love is a hostage, sapping your courage and corrupting your judgment. -Orson Scott Card; "Empire"_

"_Admit it, Mello, you failed. You're a failure…they all hate you. You can't do anything right. Say it, Mello, just accept it." _Mello stared blankly at L, knowing that this dream- for that was what this was, a reoccurring nightmare, a nightmare that always had the same things: a dying L, an empty room and a laughing Kira- would end if he just said the words that he hated to say. _"Failure…I'm nothing but a failure…" _

"I'm such a failure…" Mello mumbled, slowly opening his eyes, early morning light pouring in through the open window. He squinted as he looked around, letting his blue eyes get used to the light before sitting up carefully, gritting his teeth as he winced, feeling sore all over. He wondered how he had gotten there in the first place before realizing fully where he was and who was probably with him to take care of him…Matt and Emily.

He scowled as he carefully got up, leaning on the wall when he finally achieved victory over the pain on his whole left side. Damn…those flames had got him good… He winced again as he started looking for clothes, unaware of the quiet footsteps in the hall as someone approached the room, balancing a tray of food in her hands, as well as some fresh bandages and a towel, wondering if Matt would hurry up and bring the hot water before sitting back down to monitor Misa Amane, a Kira suspect. Carefully opening the door, Emily, her thoughts focused on not dropping the tray, started to say cheerfully, " So, Mello, are you going to wake up tod-!" before she turned away from the door and saw Mello looking back at her, scowling at her.

Eyes wide and startled at the fact that he was actually awake- and she had no clue what to say- Emily numbly let go of the tray, sending it clattering to the floor, soup spilling all across the floor, bandages and towels meeting the floor as well. Mello glared at the mess and then at her, muttering "You better be cleaning that up." Emily nodded, mouth and eyes still wide as she gaped at him, trying to make sure that she wasn't blushing as she bent her head to look at her feet, feeling Mello's gaze's intensity increase as her checks burned.

Emily crouched now as she began to start picking up pieces of the porcelain soup bowl, using these moments to regain some of her composure as Mello started to unwrap the bandages, relieved to see that his injuries were healed over before he gingerly touched his face, feeling the mark that was now a scar, knowing that it would be branding him for the rest of his life. Apparently, Emily had been also thinking about his scar as she mumbled to herself, "It's like the mark of Cain…after he killed his brother Abel…" She hushed herself as Mello looked at her reproachfully, still glowering as he continued to remove a bandage on his chest while he asked, "What did you say?"

"N-nothing…." Emily whispered, smiling at him uneasily as he turned away, looking for a clean shirt. " Oh! Ah, your shirts are in the top drawer…" She exclaimed, trying to be helpful and trying to make up for making the mess she was cleaning up. Mello grunted in reply as he yanked open that specific drawer, Emily taking the grunt as an informal thank you. Which reminded her….

"Thank you for, ah, saving me…again. You honestly didn't have to, it would've been ok if you hadn't…err, I mean, you would've been ok if you hadn't, because, um, you got hurt when you saved me…and Matt's alright but he was kinda worried about you and all. I was worried too and…" " Would you just shut up?" Mello growled, not meeting her gaze as she stopped talking, feeling stupid as she realized that she had been rambling. "Sorry…I didn't mean to…" "It doesn't matter if you meant to or not- just shut up." Emily shuddered for some odd reason, wondering how angry –or disappointed- Mello was currently to be snapping at her, left and right.

Sighing, she looked at her feet as her arms cradled the broken shards of bowl and the tray, saying the only thing that she thought would do any good at the moment. " Sorry…for making you worry or anything…" Her head snapped up as Mello barked out a harsh laugh as he said, "What makes you think that I was worried about you? All I did was make you live longer." " Well…if you hadn't, I wouldn't be standing here, talking to you right now, would I?" Emily caught perhaps regret, disbelief or disappointment in Mello's eyes as she stepped closer to him, putting the tray down on the bed as she did, Mello noticing for the first time Emily had entered that she was wearing something besides her nightgown or her old, worn skinny jeans and hoodie combo. He was somewhat surprised that she was wearing a light blue striped t-shirt and white knee length skirt…that is, she was wearing clothes that showed her scars, something that she never did before, unless it was her nightgown.

He raised his eyebrows as Emily smiled up at him as she stopped walking at least three steps away from him, murmuring as she absentmindedly played with a wayward strand of wavy black hair, "So…for saving me, and for worrying over me in anyway…thanks. It's nice to feel worried about." Mello scowled at her, muttering, "Well, I'm glad that you think it was nice of me to save you. I wouldn't have had to if you had stayed out of the building." Emily frowned, unsure of where the conversation was heading as Mello continued, "I could've gotten out by myself- you didn't need to be an idiot trying to play hero by running in a burning building. I didn't NEED YOUR HELP. I was FINE without it. Hell! I probably wouldn't have gotten hurt like I did if you hadn't decided to play rescuer, which it turned out, you needed to be rescued- not me! I knew you should've gone to Japan- everything would've been fine if I had sent you without asking for your two cents."

Emily tried to smile as she felt her heart being squeezed as it was almost cracking and breaking. She knew that Mello would hurt her, sure, and she had thought herself to be ready to be hurt…but she hadn't thought that she'd be blamed. But now…as she thought about it…Mello was right. It WAS mostly her fault that he had gotten hurt… If only she HAD stayed out of the building…if only she HAD been sent to Japan…None of that would have happened… Emily let her smile fade before she realized that Mello had done this sort of thing in the past, when things hadn't gone his way…it was his way of telling himself that it was ok that his plan didn't work. It was his way of telling himself, " Its actually ok that I lost that Death Note…I have enough information to keep going."

Sighing, Emily looked up at him, saying " Look, Mello, I know that you're mad and disappointed that you got hurt and that you lost the Death Note…but it's ok that you did…After all, you're still alive…that's good…."

"That's not good enough for me! I need everything PERFECT! That's the only way it can be for me to catch Kira! The only way!" Mello growled as he stepped closer to Emily, Emily absentmindedly taking a step back, starting to feel afraid as Mello continued to walk towards her as she kept stepping away, almost panicking when she bumped into the wall. _This is not good...this is so not good...Mello's angry...and when he's angry...he doesn't think straight..._

Her hands brushed the wall as she tried to get away from Mello the best she could, even though she knew that it was silly to try and flatten herself against the wall like she used to with her "parents". She looked up at him, biting her lip as she said, " I understand that, Mello, but sometimes, you should cut yourself some slack..."

" I can't! If I do, I'll fall behind...and Near will beat me! I can't let that happen!" He growled as Emily shuddered,whispering, "It's ok if you do, Mello...still... you should at least wait just a little before going after Kira...I think that's the best thing to do right now...to lay low and wait until Kira doesn't expect anything..."

Mello glared at her as he hissed, "I don't need your opinion...I'm better without it..." He turned away, going for his coat, not expecting Emily to grab his shoulder and say, worried, " B-but...Mello! You should just rest for now!"

Mello growled as he glanced at her from over his shoulder and said, "Just go. Leave me alone- I don't need your help." Emily frowned as she sighed, wondering why he was so angry at her when she had done nothing wrong. Emily sighed as she said again, "I still think, Mello, that you should rest for now...please..."

"LEAVE. ME. ALONE!" Mello shouted as he turned, impulsively slapping Emily's right cheek hard. He didn't expect Emily's head to snap to the left because of the force of the blow, and he sure as hell didn't expect the bright red mark that sprung up on Emily's cheek. She staggered back, shocked that he had hit her as she slowly raised her hand to her cheek, gingerly touching the stinging injury, smiling bitterly as she mumbled, "Ow..." Tears slowly welled in Emily's eyes as Mello watched, his mortification putting a damper on his frustration as he reached for her, mumbling, "Emily...I..."

His hand reached to cradle her face, but she shrank away from his touch, still smiling sorrowfully as both of her hands, cradled her cheek carefully as she whispered, "Don't touch me...Please, Mello...don't touch me right now...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...!"

She was now crying into her hands, hiding her face from Mello as she turned and ran out of the room, sobbing now as she sprinted past a confused Matt, her destination- her room. Mello ran after her, shouting "Emily! Come back! Shit! I didn't mean it!"

"Mello- stop." Matt stepped in between Mello and the remaining 4 feet to Emily's room, holding Mello back by holding onto his shoulder. "Leave her be...Let her cry for a little...When she's done crying, then you can talk to her. Give her some space for now- she'll be fine." Mello looked at Matt for a second before gritting his teeth and cursing at himself, kicking the wall to his right, muttering to Matt, "Dammit! Why do I keep doing that? Why is it that I'm the only one who makes her cry! Christ! I feel so stupid!"

Matt sighed as he smiled at his friend, patting him on the shoulder as he mumbled back, "That's what guys like you do...it's part of your charm, I guess..."

"Well, then, screw my fuckin' charm..."

"No can do, Mello...I'll leave the screwing of you to Emily..."

"What?"

"Nothing..."

Mello scowled as Matt walked back to his laptop, wondering what Matt had meant by that. Damn...he hated it, but now he knew how Emily felt when she was feeling guilty...he hated feeling guilty. He heard a creak before he looked up, seeing Emily peeking out of her room, scared. She smiled the best she could as she mumbled, " I'm fine, really. It's alright..." Mello saw through the crack that she had changed back into her hiding clothes- long sleeves and pants.

He sighed as she closed the door, wondering why he felt as if he was keeping Emily hostage, as he heard her softly cry through her door, mumbling, " I never expected him to hit me...ever...I should've saw it coming...Why didn't I see it? Why am I such an idiot now?"

Mello sighed again as he asked himself the same questions.


	15. Goodbye

Wow! 15 chapters already! It's all thanks to all of you readers-thank you so much! I'm soo happy that so many people like the story and have encouraged me to keep writing. So thank you so much!

* * *

_Have you ever been in love before? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you , then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something stupid one day, like kiss you or smile at you and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase as, 'maybe we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." -Neil Gaiman_

Emily sniffled again as she stepped out into the rain, a shopping list crammed into her pocket. It had been two days since Mello had lost his temper with her. Emily swore that her cheek was still red as she fingered it carefully, shuddering slightly as she closed her eyes as she felt a stinging sensation on her cheek ...and in her heart. What had happened to her life? She had promised herself the day that she left Wammy's that she'd take care of herself, that she'd take nothing resembling abuse from anyone. She had also promised herself...that she would never let someone she loved...hurt her...\par

Granted, her self- promise of never being hurt by loved ones had been made the day Beyond saved her from her "parents" but still it applied now. She sighed as she thought about how, for the past two days, she had been practically tiptoeing around the apartment, bored-and scared that Mello may hurt her more- out of her mind. She felt as if she'd suffocate because of the lack of distraction...that is, the lack of personal work. Matt, trying to be polite, made sure that she didn't have to work until she was "recovered", as he called it, and Mello, for some reason unknown to Emily, was always walking the other way, his head downcast, a grimace on his face whenever Emily stepped near him...which meant that he probably wouldn't be giving her any assignments any time soon.

Emily frowned as she wondered if she should've taken Near up on his offer when he had suggested, a month before she had re-met Mello, that she come to New York and work on the case with him, therefore joining the SPK. She blew out her bangs and grimaced at herself for thinking of such a "treasonous" thought in her given situation. But... the thought of leaving her boredom- and unfortunately/ultimately, Mello- behind, as well as her memories of the past few months was...tempting. Emily shook her head in dismay, but she had to admit...the thought was tantalizing...\par

After all, not only she'd be able to control her life again by earning her own money and by living by herself, but also she'd get to do something useful for the world. She'd also have the chance to dis-attach herself from Mello. Her heart gave a squeeze that could only be described as sorrow when she thought of leaving Mello behind, but it would be for the best. She felt as if all she did was hurt Mello- she thought about what he had said that day and she knew that it was mostly true...that she had been at fault for making him fail and get hurt. All her fault...completely her fault...

Emily felt hot tears start to form and she wiped them away, trying to hold back tears as she nodded to herself, knowing what she had to do...

Gathering up her courage, she called Near, and hoping that he couldn't hear how her voice was thick with tears, she said, "Near, is that offer to work with you on the case still good? If it is, I'd like to take it." She half listened to Near as she silently cried, wondering if she'd hurt Mello by making this choice her final decision. She nodded to herself as she got off the phone, wiped her eyes again before she headed back to the apartment, wondering if she was making the right choice as she started packing. Upon finishing, she found herself scribbling a last minute note on a sticky note, which she promptly stuck to the door on her way out, now hailing a taxi that would transport her to the airport so she could rush to catch her flight that left an hour before Matt found her note when he returned from running some errands.

* * *

"She WHAT?" Mello shouted into his phone, ignoring the glances from passersby while listening to Matt, cursing to himself under his breath.

"She left! I don't know where exactly where she went- her note only said that she felt that she was no longer of use to our side of the case, so she was leaving to try to find something useful to do..."

Mello cursed again as he guessed where she had gone- New York...to help Near. But for some reason, Mello could easily guess why Emily had truly left- she was trying to get away from him...but why? Mello scowled to himself, rubbing his temples as he now winced at the thought that his slapping her two days before had triggered her departure. "Dammit!" He muttered, knowing that it was too late to apologize for that incident...and therefore, maybe too late to get her back..."Dammit, Emily...Dammit." He mumbled, looking at his feet in regret and agitation, wondering why his heart, something that he had thought was frozen ever since the night he left Wammy's, was aching now whenever he thought of his mistake...and its consequences.

* * *

Emily felt the same as she sat and looked out the airplane's window, watching the clouds change orange and then blue as dusk arrived, crying as she watched, hating herself...for ever falling in love with the "wrong boy".

And for loving him still as she lowered her head to her lap, crying and hurting, hoping it would stop.

"I'm sorry, Mello...th-this is for the best...I think...if it's for the best...why am I hurting so bad,Mello? Why?" Emily whispered, biting her lip to quiet her sobs, wondering if someone else was feeling the way she did...


	16. Perfection?

"I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you. But those words may forever stay in my heart-locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know."

-Anonymous

* * *

Emily stood in front of the bathroom mirror of her new apartment as she straightened her hair, wondering if her make-up was flawless and if she'd be able to recognize herself as soon as she finished. Wondering if Mello would recognize her if he saw her now.

Emily blew out her bangs in dismay as she finished, scolding herself for thinking such a thing as she felt a tear rushing down her face and a line of mascara following. "Oh…screw it!" Emily muttered to herself, wiping off all of her makeup before her tears ruined her carefully applied makeup further. Softly crying, she seated herself on the side of the tub, looking at herself in the mirror as she did, ashamed and angry with herself. She wished that she wasn't always thinking about Mello…in all reality, she almost wished that she hadn't left him. _No! I needed to leave him…after all, what good would I've done for not only him and the case? No good, that's what. It was good that I left him…Wasn't it? _She thought as she rested her chin on her fist, sighing before getting up and starting to get ready again before just giving up on make-up after she put on her mascara and blush: She didn't need much more makeup besides those.

Smoothing out her button up long sleeved blouse and her coal black skirt, Emily looked herself over and sighed. She looked perfect. She nearly felt perfect as well. Perfect…something she had strived for before she had met _him_. Emily sighed again as she grabbed her laptop bag as she now left the bathroom, headed out to the headquarters Near had set up. She kept thinking…on how everything was finally seeming to go right for her.

She had everything she could have ever wanted. Shelter, food, an interesting job, a familiar face or two…a perfect life. Everything was flawless…except for the gaping hole in her heart, the hole that had been made the day she left L.A., the hole that'd been made when her heart ripped into two before shattering savagely. Emily bit her lip as she realized how much she missed Mello and how much it hurt to think about him without feeling completely treasonous. She felt like she had betrayed him….she felt as if she had went and became a traitor….She sighed and bit her lip harder as she continued to walk, not noticing that she was on the sidewalk now.

She was lost in thought as she bumped into someone, stumbling back surprised as she shook herself out of her head-in-the-clouds moment. "Oh! I'm so sorry! Are you o.k…" She asked, becoming speechless when she realized that she had bumped into a leather wearing stranger, the man's leather pants and his red coat automatically bringing Mello to mind. Emily couldn't stop herself from asking, "Is that you, Mello?" before she covered her mouth with her hand in embarrassment as she now said, "Err…sorry…never mind…" as her face flushed and she ran past the blond haired stranger without a backwards glance, now intent on getting to work before she embarrassed herself further…

* * *

Mello watched Emily run past him, relieved that she had thought that he had been a stranger…and surprised by her new appearance. He smirked to himself as he thought about how well she cleaned up and how grown up she looked, finding something alluring in how she still had her personality and yet look much different when she put on nicer clothes and a little makeup here and there. He smirked for a moment longer before he continued to walk, glancing around him as if he was expecting someone to pop out of nowhere …or as if he was expecting to run into Emily again.

He scowled at himself, wondering why- and almost hating how- his mind had been almost completely devoted to finding Emily for the past week. He had tried to tell himself that she didn't matter, that she had only been in his way…but he couldn't anymore. He couldn't deny the fact that he felt attracted to her on so many levels…but he didn't want to accept the potential fact that it was as if he couldn't breathe without Emily nearby, let alone live and catch Kira without her.

Mello growled at himself when he finally understood what his feelings were towards Emily…and of what Emily's feelings towards him were. He tried to push that fact away as he found his way to Halle's apartment, knowing that he had a long night ahead of him….

* * *

It was at least 8:30 p.m. as Emily walked out of the shooting range she had been patronizing for the past hour, wondering when she had taken up shooting bullets and rounds as a way to blow off steam. It was then did she realize that it was because Mello probably would do the same thing. She winced slightly before shrugging and heading home, shoving her hands in her pockets and practically running because she knew that if she got attacked by a gang now…Mello wouldn't be there to save her.

She now unlocked her apartment, stepping into the security of it as she dropped her laptop bag near the door, dumping her coat on the hook as well. Emily kicked her shoes off before deciding to take a shower, grabbing a camisole and pajama pants on her way there. Stepping into the warm spray of water, Emily let herself relax as she pushed away any thoughts about Mello, determined to just try to forget him for an evening. She felt as if she didn't deserved another sleepless night that day as she washed her body thoroughly, taking more time and hot water than usual.

Pulling on her makeshift sleepwear, Emily grabbed her hairbrush and walked into her living room, turning on the t.v and picking a channel to watch as she started to brush her hair carefully, marveling at how long it had gotten- it fell to the small of her back now. She sighed sadly now, unable to keep Mello off her mind. The tears were just beginning to slip down her face when she heard the first knock at the door.

Cocking an eyebrow, Emily got up, putting her brush on the coffee table and pulling a blanket around her shoulders,shivering as she got up, calling to the person at the door, "I'm coming. Hold on!"

She carefully navigated her way through her dark apartment, turning on lights as she went. Finally reaching the door, she reached for the doorknob, hesitated, and then twisted and pulled the door open...

* * *

Mello raised his hand to knock on the door again, wondering if he had the correct address. He had gotten the location of Emily's apartment from Halle after retrieving his photo from Near, a photo that was rumored to have been owned by Emily. He started to knock again as the door opened, and Emily stood before him, dressed in a camisole and flannel pants, clutching a blanket around her as she shivered slightly, her hair a mass of messy curls as she stared, surprised, at him. Slowly, she reached and touched his face, as if she was checking to see if he was real, while she whispered, "M-mello? Is that really you?"

Mello smirked softly at her, liking how her hand was soft and gentle on his face as he muttered, "What do you think?" He saw Emily's cheeks flush as she mumbled, " What are you doing here? Where's Matt? Is he ok? Is everything alright? Why...are you here?" He smiled cheekily as he remained silent, watching her cheeks redden even more as she whispered, "You're here...to see me...aren't you? It's either that or...you need me to do something for you..." She trailed off as she pulled her hand away so she could take the picture he now offered to her as he said, "I believe this is yours..." Emily glanced over the photo, recognizing it to be the picture of Mello when he was at Wammy's. She looked up him, surprised as she stuttered out, "W-why?" before he smirked at her again, wrapping his arms around her waist and lowering his face to her's as he muttered,  
"And I believe you're mine." as he kissed her, his passion and lust mixing and adding fire to the kiss, making him realize just how much he really had needed her, how much he had missed her...and how much he wanted her for himself.

Emily didn't try to resist him- quite the opposite as she moaned softly, pulling him closer by his coat's collar, letting her blanket fall to the floor as she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him harder, parting her lips as he gently traced her lips with his tongue. Mello walked her backwards, into the apartment and against a wall, kicking the door shut with his foot as he did, holding a knot of her hair at the nape of her neck, pushing himself closer to her, as close as he could without removing her clothes or taking her virginity. (Which, he probably wanted to take, but, this being rated T, I'll refrain from that for now...) She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close, wondering what so influenced her to wrap one of her legs around his waist as he lifted her by her thighs, both of them still kissing furiously. Emily twined her fingers in Mello's hair, holding onto Mello tight as he carried her to the couch, plopping her there and leaning over her, smirking even more before he started to kiss her neck, letting her try to get her breath back.

Emily took several deep breaths as she looked at Mello, whispering to him as he nipped and licked her neck, "Well...I really didn't expect this..." Mello paused and grinned cheekily at her as he glanced up into her eyes, muttering in reply, "I'm only getting started..." "Oh, are you now?" Emily smiled at him, thinking about how that morning she had been missing him and hurting so bad when she thought about him and now...here he was with her...her dream come true. Her thoughts were interrupted as Mello switched her places on the couch, hoisting her over him so that he now laid on his back, she resting on top of him. Her cheeks colored scarlet, but she smiled, her expression mirroring Mello's before she leaned down and kissed him again, pulling away after a moment as she shivered, wondering how he knew just where to touch and kiss to make her want him even more. She smiled as she felt Mello wrap his arms around her, looking him in the eyes as she started to whisper, "Mello, I-" "Shhhh...not now...we'll talk about it in the morning." "But..." "No buts. Go to sleep, Emily."

Emily sighed in defeat as she shook her head, smiling, kissing Mello quickly before she laid her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as she whispered anyways, "I missed you...And I'm sorry that I left you...I wasn't thinking..." She looked up at Mello and smiled before quietly yawning and closing her eyes, whispering before she let herself drift off into sleep, "I'll make you a deal...I won't leave you if you don't ever leave me..."

Mello glanced down at Emily and let himself smile, moving some hair out of her face as he muttered, "Deal." even though he knew that she was asleep by now. He then said something that he'd never say to Emily if she was awake, knowing that she would be shocked about it- " He said "I'm sorry for making you want to leave...". He then forced himself to say the words that he himself hadn't wanted to believe until right then as he whispered in Emily's ear, " I...love you."

Mello laid his head back against the arm of the couch, feeling as if everything was alright now, feeling as if he was whole once more, as if Emily was part of him now. He smiled before letting himself fall asleep, holding Emily tight.

* * *

Author's note- o.k! I finally updated! :)

If it's sappy in your opinion, I'm sorry, but I was half awake when I wrote the end. As to the kissing part...I credit romance novels to that...I hope I'm not the only one who's looking for tissues to stop their nosebleed because of that part...-/-

I hope you guys enjoyed! :D


	17. Somewhat surprise

Emily looked up from wrapping up the final cords of Matt's computer equipment as Matt walked into the living room balancing several boxes as he entered, mumbling, "I finished packing my stuff. We can leave for the airport as soon as you're ready." Emily smiled and nodded, chuckling at how flustered that made Matt. It appeared that Matt hadn't gotten over the fact that the previous week had been marked by Mello returning from New York with Emily in tow and that there was something between the two of them that was a secret from Matt. Not that Matt couldn't guess what that secret was- he could, and he did, knowing that he was correct. Still...

Matt still couldn't fully grasp how Emily, silent, sweet and headstrong Emily, had managed to get Mello, Mr. Impulsive-and-ambitious, practically wrapped around her little finger. Matt couldn't even get used to the idea of his best friend and Emily surviving their relationship, as their relationship had been filled with screaming matches, tears, regret, anger and a whole crapload of angst, as far as he knew.

(Let us remember, Matt only knew of our leads kissing maybe once or twice- he didn't fully know how the two in question understood each other enough to be there to help or that they knew what each other had been through. In short, Matt was unaware of the relationship's good side, as he was also unable to realize that Emily and Mello only fought half the time because Emily either wouldn't listen or agree with Mello or Mello ignored her or, of course, one of them was bored and so decided to liven things up with a quarrel. Hey, it happens.)

Matt snapped out of his "trance" as he realized that Emily had stood and said, "I'm ready to go." as she grabbed her suitcase, checking to see if she still had the forged passports, glancing over them as she waited for Matt's response. He nodded, making his way out of the apartment and to the street, Emily following, suitcases and a couple small boxes balanced in her arms. Upon the arrival of a hailed taxi, both teenagers shoved their things into the car's trunk, climbing into the backseat, Matt sitting back and relaxing a bit as Emily told the driver, "Can you please take us to the airport?"

The driver nodded and Emily watched the apartment she had lived in for the last month or so (counting her days in New York) grow smaller as the taxi pulled away, leaving fuel exhausted smoke in the building's wake. Emily tried to relax as she twined and then untwined her hair from around her fingers, fidgeting with boredom and excitement as she grinned to herself, knowing that she'd be in Mello's arms in a day or less. She glanced over at Matt and she knew that, despite him never saying, he couldn't wait to see Amy, his girlfriend, as she understood. Emily had to admit, she rather missed the over the top enthusiast ...but not as much as she missed Mello. She sighed, feeling lucky that she wasn't experiencing the hurting kind of regretful missing- this kind of missing reminded her that of a wife being anxious to see her husband coming home from a war, being proud and yet scared in the same breath. She blushed, realizing just what she had just compared Mello and herself to- but it was true. Those were her feelings.

Emily looked up at Matt as he tapped her on the shoulder, saying, "C'mon, we'll miss our flight..." She nodded, scooting to the car's door and hopping out, paying the driver as Matt started struggling with the bags. She sighed as she grabbed her bag and Matt's arm, yelling, "C'mon!" as she started to run, wanting to get on that plane as soon as possible, wanting to get to Japan faster, wanting to see Mello soon. "Hang on! We have to go through Customs and the security check thing- slow down!" Matt protested, still running despite his words. Both adolescents were more than happy to get through the required airport checkpoints, running to the plane, despite it not taking off until a half hour later.

Emily lead Matt into the first class section, ignoring his nervous behavior as he asked, "Just how-no, where - did you get the money to get us first class tickets?" She laughed uneasily at his skeptical tone, murmuring, "Um, did I ever mention that I learned how to pickpocket while living on the street, before I got my job as a, erm, entertainer and meeting Mello?"

"...Not that I can recall..."

"...That's how."

"...I see...who did you pickpocket?"

"Um, I think it was one of the Japanese Police officers on the Kira case when I was tailing him a week back...What was his name...Matsu? Touda? Erm...I don't know exactly what his name was...I accidentally bumped into him...my papers scattered...he tried to help me pick them up...he invited me to coffee, he unknowingly helped with the case, paid for my lunch...and I swiped his money clip."

"...You have a strange way of thanking unknowing helping/helpless guys for taking you out to lunch."

"I acted on instinct, mind you. It was totally a reflex. Besides, he was trying to get my number and he was looking for a napkin to write it on when I gave it to him, I saw his wallet and I snatched it before giving him a fake number."

"...Nice."

"Thanks...and don't judge me...and please don't tell Mello. He'd kill me..."

They exchanged those last words as the other passengers boarded and the plane took off, Emily quietly waving goodbye without a thought on how the gesture was lost on people who weren't even there to wish her goodbye as well. Emily sighed and closed her eyes, grimacing slightly as the plane flew smoothly on, she herself falling asleep despite her bet with Matt that morning that he'd be the first to fall asleep.

Emily opened her eyes a few hours later, climbing over Matt, who was sleeping blissfully, on her way to the bathroom. On her way back' Emily pulled a flight attendant aside, asking how soon it was until the plane landed. Upon receiving her answer of "In an hour or so." Emily made the trip back to her seat, trying to ignore the sight of a little girl who looked like a younger her resting her head on her mother's lap as the father looked on proudly. It took every inch of self-restraint not to walk over to the parents and tell them how lucky they were and how lucky their daughter was, almost as hard as refraining from telling the young married couple a few seats away how lucky they were as well as they leaned on each other, to comforted in their soul mate's embrace to notice as she walked by. Climbing over Matt again, she sat, fidgeting again before sighing and waking him up by elbowing him hard in the stomach.

"We're almost there." Emily said indifferently as Matt tried to regain his breath as he mumbled, "Geez...violent much?" under his breath. Emily gave him a withering look but she sighed as the expression left her face, mumbling to Matt, "How did you and Amy get together...? I'm just curious." Matt looked over at her as he stretched, raising an eyebrow before simpering as he said, "She blackmailed me."

"WHAT? Amy BLACKMAILED you?"

"Yup- don't ask how...it's scary to even think about it...But hey, I'm happy and she's happy, most of the time..."

"Most of the time?"

"Well, every couple have their lovers' spat every so often...only some more than others." He looked pointedly at Emily, ignoring her flustered and reddening face as he continued:

"But despite that, we're happy. We complete each other, I guess that's the only way to put it. I think everybody has someone like that, someone made for them, who complements and completes them by being their total opposite. And when they're gone for a while or forever...you're never the same."

Matt realized what he had just proclaimed on the now totally silent plane as people turned in their seats to stare at him and Emily. Emily blinked in shock as she ignored the onlookers' glances as she said, awestruck, "Wow...that's the longest you've ever talked... thanks, Matt... I needed that." She smiled as she leaned over and hugged him, both of the aware of the whispers of "Is this a movie?" "Maybe it is...those kids are cute enough to be models or actors..." "Wow, mom! We're extra people in a movie!"

Matt sighed and closed his eyes, getting a headache and feeling relieved that the plane had finally landed.

**...**

Mello and Amy stood in the crowd of people waiting for the newly arrived plane's passengers to descend, glancing around, making sure that no one knew them or was following them. Mello gazed about him, ready to run at any given moment if he was spotted. Despite his caution, he was eager to see his friend...and Emily, even though he had yet to tell her. Of his plan, of her part in it, of its consequences...of his-and possibly her- impending doom. He grimaced, but he knew that he couldn't put it off much longer- he had a month and a half left to be with her. She didn't deserve to know at the last minute. He decided that the moment they were alone, he'd tell her...as soon as he could, even if he had to tell her the day before he died...he'd tell her.

_She doesn't deserve any surprises...especially from me._ Mello thought grimly as he saw a familiar red head of hair appear as Matt walked down the plane's stairs, Emily following close behind. Mello let a small bitter smile show as Amy uttered a small squeal of happiness as she ran to Matt, throwing her arms around him as the pair approached. Matt smiled a little, awkwardly stroking Amy's hair as Emily walked around the pair, making a beeline for Mello. She smiled shyly at him, a smile that made it hard for Mello not to smile even a little. Emily bit her lip as she stepped carefully towards him, raising her arms to hug him, uttering a small gasp as he pulled her into his arms, kissing her hair as he muttered, "Did anything happen after I left?" "Nothing of note." She looked and smiled at him, feeling uneasy by how he was acting. Mello held her a second longer before letting go, declaring, "Time to go", to their small group and leading them to the car he had rented.

It was later that night as Emily looked up from unpacking to see Mello leaning in the doorway of the bedroom they'd start to share that night as she heard him casually knocked, smirking at her. "May I come in?" he asked sardonically, sauntering in and sitting on the bed, watching her close the drawer she had been depositing her shirts into and joined him, sitting next to him as she glanced up at him, biting her lip. "Is something wrong?" She asked, leaning her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, trying to calm herself as he chuckled, muttering, "Something like that."

"What is it?" Mello sighed as he moved away, leaning back against the headboard of the bed before pulling Emily back into his arms as he muttered, "You know the basic plan, right?" Emily nodded slowly, remembering how Mello had explained it to her while he kissed her goodbye a week ago. It consisted of her getting close to Takada, Kira's spokesperson, getting information out of her, and then Matt and Mello would stage a kidnapping, somehow luring Kira to act and ultimately, slip up and reveal himself- in short, Kira would be caught. Mello saw her small nod and continued. "You also know the consequences, right?" "Besides getting caught, sent to jail or put on death row?" Emily asked, glancing at Mello quickly as she caught a glance of a slightly pained look on Mello's face. Emily straightened up in Mello's arms, wriggling her way out of them, letting her hands remain in his as she bit her lip, mumbling,"You...are...going...to...leave...me...or...die...on...me...aren't...you?" She tried out the words slowly, confused by how they sounded, by the way sounded in that order, in that tone.

She felt her throat tighten as Mello nodded and she felt his grip on her hands tighten as well. She stared at him, mouth a bit open as she gazed, uncomprehending for a moment, before it all finally sunk in by crashing down around her. "I...see." She mumbled, her tone shocking both of them- it contradicted her facial expressions and hand gestures. Her lips were red from biting on them so hard, she was trying hard to blink back tears and her hands were white and clammy as she held onto Mello, tight. She swallowed down the lump in her throat as Mello said a bit quickly, "I only have so much time left and this isn't the time for you to cling to me or start thinking suicide or some shit like that. Understand?"

Emily looked Mello full in the face and half smiled, saying, "Why would I do that? I wouldn't ever do that- I'm not clingy in the first place and besides...I'm not a suicide kind of person." She smiled at him, leaning on him carefully, listening to his heart again, disbelief slowly sinking in as she wrapped her arms around him. She couldn't believe that she hadn't even spent a whole day with him, and she had been away from him for too long in her opinion, and now...she'd lose him. Permanently. She sighed before straightening up in his arms, kissing him quickly before declaring, "I want to help you." Mello glanced at her, kissing her forehead as he muttered, "I know you do. But don't do anything reckless or stupid, got it?"

Emily laughed as she wriggled her way out of his grasp again, getting up and walking to the door. "Why would I do something reckless or stupid? After all..." She looked at him from over her shoulder and finished saying, "you're the one who's always been reckless...I don't need to fill that role." Her lip trembled and she was down the hall, in the bathroom and had the door locked before Mello could stop her. He sighed as he slowly got up, walking to the bathroom, knocking on the door softly and muttering, "Sorry, Emmy...I don't want to leave you that way either." In a matter of moments, the door was unlocked and Emily had wrapped her arms around him, crying into his shoulder as she whispered, "I hate Kira...It's like he knows just who to hurt to hurt me...first Miss Misora, then BB, then L...and now you. God, I hate it!" Mello said nothing, only wrapping his arms around her and stroking her back, muttering, "I hate Kira too..."

_I was right...she doesn't need any surprises from me..._ Mello told himself as Emily's grip tightened and she whispered again, "I want to help you." "...Alright."

* * *

I finally updated! Whoo-hoo! I'm sorry if it's crappy, I've been really stressed and it may show in my writing! (I hope it doesn't!) Thanks! This is one of the last chapters- I plan to have 20 chapters in all for this story. ( That includes an epilogue!) Read and Reveiw please!


	18. Only for you

Emily stood in front of a beautiful polished oak desk, her hands holding onto each other tightly in front of her as she watched the dark-haired, pretty Kiomi Takada read the fake job application. Well, half of it was fake, anyways. Her name, of course had been changed to Shi Takashima for the time being when she was out in public. (She reported to have had a Japanese foster parent who, upon adopting "Shi", had changed her name.) Other things that had been changed was the photo, which, in all reality, was of her mother, but the family resemblance was so great that upon glancing at the picture, you were sure that it was the 19 year old girl standing before smiled to herself briefly, feeling accomplished that it had been her who had thought of her name (renewing her old nickname, Death, into Japanese) and of using her mother's photo. Her heart gave a slight squeeze, shoving and scolding Emily, "You're using your mother! You should be honoring her, not using her for something illegal!" Emily knew this, but she hissed to herself, snarling, for the fifth time that morning, "I'm helping Mello. I'm taking down Kira. I'm obediently helping the man I love bring a murderer to justice. Mother would be proud of so!"

Apparently, her stern expression she had been giving herself had been brought to Takada's attention as she chuckled, "What's with the face? You're perfect for the job- finally, my guard has been completed." She smiled smugly to herself, crediting her sharp eye and mind for finding the last of her personal guard/assistants. Emily also smiled, a smile that looked to Takada as being grateful, but behind the smile hid a satisfaction at getting the desired job-as well as a position as a news reporter, a position that Takada had herself vacated in favor of being Kira's mouthpiece- and disgust for the woman who had just hired her. The woman was so conceited! She expected everyone to cater to her, just because Kira had chosen her. Emily felt her lips almost curl into a pitying, mocking smile at the woman who had turned a blind eye to what Kira had done. Such a waste. Despite that, Emily smiled all the same, bowing at the waist as she murmured a thank you, stepping out into the hall, sending a quick text to Amy, Matt and Mello, reporting what had just went on, and shifting her bag on a more comfortable position for her shoulder, she exited, anxious to run home and spend the rest of the day in a well deserved place- Mello's arms.

Mello stepped up to his apartment door, glancing around, unconsciously looking for anyone suspicious who may have been following him. Seeing and hearing no one, he unlocked the door, stepping inside, realizing that Emily was also in the apartment as he saw her coat on the rack and her laptop bag flung on the floor, as well as hearing her singing some kind of song. Mello smirked softly, his eyes now holding a mischievous look, a look that differed from his usual stern or livid expression as he made his way to Emily, following the sound of her voice as she continued to sing.

Emily stood before the bathroom mirror, taking out her earrings, grateful that they were no longer pinching her ears, that her high heels were off, and her sore feet could relax. Emily sang under her breath, murmuring, "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart..." as she started washing her face free of any makeup. She sighed as she finished her task, taking her hairband out, shaking her hair loose, and thinking about how little time she had left. To be with Mello and to help him...he was running out of time to live. She was running out of time to love him. She bit her lip, wondering if she was going to survive without him. Emily knew that she had lived without BB, albeit scared and alone, with so much pain for her then. However, BB and Mello were two different people, two different cases entirely. Emily had thought of Beyond as a father figure, as someone to depend on. Mello was also someone she depended on as well, but Mello...was her love. Her protector. She bit her lip, wondering, wondering...

She was unaware of the fact that Mello was sneaking up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist as she had looked down at the sink, catching her off guard while she squealed, laughing at the same time. "Mello! You scared me!" She mumbled, putting a hand on his cheek and smiling. Mello leaned forward and kissed her cheek, muttering, "I know."

Emily turned to face him, knowing that she was trapping herself between the bathroom counter and Mello himself. Smiling up at him, she mumbled, "You got my text, right? About me getting the job?" Mello smirked, nodding and tightening his grip on her waist as he muttered, "I knew that you would be able to get it. I knew it." Emily moved her hands to her hair as she smoothed it nervously, shaking out her hair as she asked, "Where's Matt and Amy? I thought they'd be here by now..." "They're Christmas shopping ...or some crap like that." Mello rolled his eyes, wondering what had so possessed Matt, who usually hated any shopping mall or store (unless it was a GameStop), to go shopping-voluntarily- with Amy.

Emily saw his eye-roll and she laughed. "Yeah, unbelievable, right? Who knew that Matt would be able to shop without threatening suicide?" Mello simpered before frowning slightly. Emily's eyes widened as she realized what she had just said as she bit her lip, whispering, "I...I didn't mean ...anything...by it. I mean..." Emily felt tears forming in her eyes as she thought about how Matt and Mello would be dead in at least a month and how lost she and Amy would be when they were gone. How alone and hurt they would be. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she forced herself to stop thinking pessimistically, not noticing how tight Mello's grip had gotten when she had trailed off and that he had hoisted her onto the counter, looking up into her eyes and face as she tried to turn her head away, ashamed that she was crying in front of him. "It doesn't matter...It's nothing." Mello frowned, furrowing his eyebrows as he leaned forward, his hand grabbing her chin, forcing her to look at him. Emily struggled against his grip for a moment, trying to pull Mello's hands away so she could avoid his gaze. She gave up, sighing as she let herself stare at Mello, despite the tears clouding her eyes.

"Obviously it's something if you're crying about it." Mello exclaimed, watching her gaze at her knees as she mumbled, "Maybe it is, but...it's not important." She cleared her throat, wiping her eyes as she smiled at Mello the best she could, saying, "See? All better." Mello still frowned, muttering, "You'd think that you'd start crying more before hugging me and saying something like 'I can't believe you're going to die soon!' or some crap like that..." Mello trailed off as Emily kissed him, muttering to him, "Please shut up...I'm not about to be a cliché." Mello chuckled, rolling his eyes before kissing her back, stepping away afterward and saying, "I'll let you finish your business."

Emily smiled at him as he left, turning back to the mirror and sighing sadly. She hated showing Mello her feelings-her thoughts...her regrets. He didn't deserve to see those kinds of things now...He didn't deserve anything like that. She slowly sank to her knees, clasping her hands as she started to pray, a practice she hadn't done in a while, having had little to no time to do so...She flushed with shame at the realization that she had practically chucked her faith in God and religion into the wastebasket years ago. Yet she found herself on her knees, ready to pray at the possibly worst moment of her life...Maybe she had mistaken the recycling bin for the wastebasket. Still, she prayed, mouthing the words as she clutched unto her rosary as if it was the only life preserver that had been tossed to her.

"God...Jesus...whoever in heaven that's listening...Please...please...PLEASE ...help me...I-I can't keep Mello safe and happy by myself...I can't help him as much as I want to and I don't know what else I can do for him...I can't give anything else to him..." Well I could but I rather like being a virgin... Emily thought, biting her lip before she continued her prayer. "I know that he's running out of time and that I probably am too...but still...I want the rest of his life to be the best it can be. Please. You've answered my prayers once by giving him to me...please answer my prayer again." Emily thought briefly back to the night she had returned to L.A. from Wammy's and remembered praying for a protector and someone to love and help her heart back together...Mello had saved her six months later. "Please, God. Help me...Amen."

It was as she unfolded her hands did she realize that a fresh batch of tears had started streaking her face like small raindrops. Surrendering to the weakness, Emily sat against the bathroom wall, sobbing her heart out, not noticing Mello's reappearance in the doorway. He stared at her, eyebrow cocked, before her knelt in front of her, whispering, "You're crying again." Emily nodded, hiccupping through her tears as she wiped one of her eyes free of tears as she answered, "It's hard not to when I know how little time you have left. You said...not to do anything reckless and stuff...but even you aren't following that rule...so why should I? I mean, really, nowadays...you're taking so many darn risks...and you're not thinking about yourself and what will happen after you die..." She sniffled before continuing, "When you die...I don't know what I'd do! I don't want you to die!" She tried to say more, but her sobs prevented her.

Mello sighed, giving her a bitter smile before taking her into his arms, muttering to her, "I have been reckless, true, but you can't say that I haven't been thinking ahead, even though I won't be around to see it..." "Don't talk like that right now, Mello. Please. Right now...don't talk like that." Emily interrupted, slightly pained before falling silent urging Mello to continue. Mello smirked, kissing her forehead, saying, "You can't expect me not to talk about it, y'know... me dying upsets you the most. I know that. Leaving you...ughh..." Mello gritted his teeth, his dislike for saying sappy things showing as he said, "Is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. But I'm going to. I know that if I can't be number one in Near's eyes...if I can't catch Kira...I'll know that I was always number one...even if it was only for you. Only you."

Emily stared up at him, surprised, her tears slowly stopping as she closed her eyes, thinking about their times together. How much they had matured...She had only been 14 when Mello had forced his way into her life; he had only been 15...and how much they had learned in those four years together...and how short those years now seemed. She bit her lip, thinking. Mello...you're such a sweet liar when you want to try to save me from the painful truth...you've always tried to spare me from reality...you've always protected me...even in Wammy's, when I thought you didn't care...you did. Even then, you guarded me from bad things...If only I had seen that then. You deserve everything I have...even if I don't want to give it up...I kinda do... Emily opened her eyes, knowing that it was her time to be reckless, to do something that could end badly...

She was going to give herself away...She was going to give up all her remaining chastity...

Her grip tightened on Mello, her heart drumming fast in her chest, hoping she wouldn't lose her determination and courage. "Mello...I know that...one of these days you're going to tell me to find someone else to love, to forget that you ever existed...but I know that I won't be able to. I love you more than I loved anyone else ever in this world...I want to become yours. Make me yours tonight. Please." Mello's eyes widened as he tried to formulate a response...but he was nearly speechless. Emily quickly filled the silence by stuttering, "I-I know the consequences and I understand if you don't want to and all..." She didn't finish-Mello had silenced her by having his lips meet hers passionately, picking her up and carrying her to their bedroom, plopping her on the bed as he locked the door. When he turned to look at her again, Emily noticed the smug smile on his lips as he muttered, "I knew you had a reckless side in you." Emily did nothing, only smiled, only wondered-for a flicker of a second- if she was making the right choice. It didn't matter now as Mello joined her on the bed, their clothes falling on the floor, and their bodies began to rise and fall together, cries of ecstasy and pain mingling in the moonlit room as two scarred souls became one, as their wounds were stitched up to where it felt like the wounds had never been there in the first place, stitching up just enough for them to live comfortably for the rest of their time together.

Mello...if ...if I had never met you...if my life had been the perfect I once wished for...I...would have never known...pain...sadness...anger...embarrassment...fear...happiness...pleasure...I would have never known of love. I would have never known what it means to really love someone. It's bittersweet and it hurts a lot sometimes...but I've never cared this much about someone...Thank you...even if this will be our only time together like this...even if this is possibly our last real time together at all...I can say that you taught me- and loved me- so much more than I ever knew. Thank you.

That was all Emily thought as she fell asleep, listening to Mello's heartbeat, wishing that that moment would never end...

* * *

*reads this chapter again* ...I feel...like a pervert.

I apologize for this chapter, I really do! o


	19. Fire and Ice

_Some say the world will end in fire, _

_Some say, in ice. _

_From what I've tasted of desire, _

_I hold with those who favor fire. _

_But if it had to perish twice, _

_I think I know enough of hate, _

_To say that for destruction, ice _

_Is also great, _

_And would suffice. _

Emily restlessly tossed and turned, her tired eyes watching the digital clock that rested on her side table as the moments ticked by. Beside her, she felt the heat emanating from Mello as he slept fitfully for the first time in days, something that broke Emily's heart as she thought of what the next day held.

_This time tomorrow...Mello won't be breathing. He'll be gone. Going, going, gone. Just like Beyond._ Emily thought this ruefully, biting her lip and hoping that she didn't start crying. Not now, with Mello close enough to hear her or at least somehow know that she was weeping...but she couldn't help it. She wanted to cry so bad whenever she thought of how, after tomorrow, Mello would be dead somewhere far away from her, somewhere where she'd be unable to comfort or at least hold him as he breathed his last.

Emily took a deep breath, hoping to keep herself from crying as she balled her hands into fists while she hugged herself, still biting her lip. Glancing over at Mello as he slept, unaware of her anguish, she had to smile a little, even if the smile was bitter and pitying. She felt her heart tearing, but she was just starting not to care. She knew by now that even if her heart was broken into small splinters, she could-and would- love Mello to the last breath.

What she didn't know-and sincerely didn't want to know- was if you could actually die of a broken heart.

Emily's stomach lurched and she let out a gasp, suddenly feeling sick as she thought this over. She found herself in the bathroom, leaning over the toilet, her knuckles white as she gripped the sides of the porcelain white bowl. She didn't remember when she ran into the bathroom, but she was glad that she had as she gave into her sickness, sighing as she finished retching. Emily sat back on her heels, wondering if her slight illness was really being caused by heart-sickness, and not another reason. She thought back to the night she had given her virginity away, wondering if there was a slight chance that she...that she...

That she was possibly pregnant.

Emily gaped at the thought, shaking her head, as if to deny it, but there was the possibility, there was a possible life here at stake. Emily smiled sadly, imagining the child that could be growing inside of her and how beautiful it would be, how smart it would be. How lonely and fatherless it would be when Mello was gone.

She shook her head at herself, scolding herself for thinking ahead too much. She didn't want Mello to die knowing that he had left a child behind that he never got to see. Emily directed her thoughts to another subject, trying not to think anymore on the fact that her world, the world that revolved loving Mello, was ending or the thought of her potential child.

She thought back to that night with Mello- all of her times with Mello, actually, but this night stuck out to her as the most sacred. He had actually told her that he loved her that night. She thought on how they had clung to each other, how their whole world had seemingly warped and changed that night. She had always been shy with Mello; Emily realized that as she reviewed her memories of her and Mello, but now...it was as if that feeling had disappeared, had completely gone. That feeling of shyness was now replaced by the realization that she knew Mello now, as another natural being in her universe, someone she knew and understood. And now Mello knew her in a way that no one else would. She promised herself that silently. They were bonded as one- when Mello would die as the sacrificial lamb, so would she...but only on the inside, where it mattered. That was how strong their bond was. She was sure that Mello, her dearest friend, her lover and confident, felt the same way as well.

They were together for life...even though Mello's life was running out.

Emily smiled bitterly as she checked the time again, and saw that it was time for her to get ready for the day.

Mello slowly woke up as he heard Emily get up, his eyes following her form as she quietly slipped out of the room. He smirked, sitting up and stretching, glancing at the time. 5:46 a.m. He shrugged his shoulders as he laid back down, thinking of how restless he should be, since he would be...would be...gone in only a few short hours. He sighed, wondering. _What if...I didn't have to die? What if I could just live through today, not go through with my plans, stay with Emily until Near wraps up the Kira case, so that we can finally come out of hiding and live a normal life? What if...?_

_No._

There was no "What if...?"S for Mello. His path was unquestionable- he had to follow his path for once in his life. Mello nodded to himself before he looked up to see Emily fidgeting in the doorway. They smiled fretfully at each other as Emily crossed the room and sat down next to Mello, involuntarily leaning her head on his shoulder, feeling his fingers curl around her hand. Emily smiled ruefully, realizing that they had started sitting in this manner ever since she had found out about Mello's plans to die.

"Are you ready?" _For me to die, to live without me, to live thinking about me every day? _

"I guess..." _If I have to let you go, I guess I'm ready, but I may hold onto you until the last possible moment._

"You guess?" _It's o.k. Emily, I understand- you don't want to stand by, feeling helpless, as you watch me die._

"Mhmmm." _I know you understand my thoughts on this Mello, I know you do...I just don't want to say goodbye._

"...O.K...I love you, Death." _If I could just save you from hurting before I go, I'd die happy, just knowing that._

"...! I-I love you, too, Mello." _If I could just keep you happy, I'll be satisfied. You were-and always will be- my first love._

Emily and Mello sat in the silence for a moment longer, taking comfort in the silence and the reassuring presence of each other, knowing that the next time moments of solace were felt between them; Mello wouldn't be able to fully enjoy it. Emily allowed her eyes to close, allowed her fingers to curl around his and she let herself think about all the good times (and maybe not so good times) they had shared. She let out a quiet sigh of surrender as she kept thinking, wondering if Mello was thinking the same- she sensed that he was as he squeezed her hand affectionately.

She looked up at him as she opened her mouth to say something, but she quickly closed it as she realized what she had been about to say. Sighing, she stood, kissing Mello on his forehead as she tried to smile, whispering, "It's time to get ready..." Mello nodded as he looked her straight in the eyes, standing and pulling her against him as he kissed her. The condemned man's final goodbye. As they parted, Mello allowed himself to smile as he looked at Emily, who had let tears fall during their kiss. He chuckled, muttering, "Don't cry for me, Emmy." "Too late." She whispered back, smiling and wondering what he meant by that as she grabbed her clothes and headed for the shower.

As she twisted the warm water off, Emily heard the front door slam, and she knew that Mello had walked out the door and soon to his death. She sighed, regretting the fact that she hadn't told Mello what was really bothering her, but she couldn't-wouldn't- tell him that she was scared. Why was that? Because she didn't want to hold him back? Or was it because she didn't totally trust Mello not to react in a dangerous way? He might get even more reckless than he already was. Try to be a hero, try to be even more heroic than he already was trying to be. That was his real nature, wasn't it? Mello WAS heroic, but Emily knew that heroes easily ended up hurt, or dead. Emily held back tears as she finished getting ready, and left, trying not to think anymore on it.

Later that day...

"Shi Takashima?" Emily's head snapped up as she looked up from the newscast script she had just been reading, trying to get her mind off of her dilemma by immersing herself in work. "Yes, sir?" She asked her supervisor, looking around her and wondering where her coworkers were before she saw them gathered around the TV. She froze in her seat when she saw the newscast.

It was telling about Lady Takada's kidnapping...and how she was dead. But that wasn't what made Emily want to cry, no...

It was that her kidnapper didn't succeed on his mission...and paid the price with his life.

_No...No...This can't be right..._ She had known that Mello would probably be killed but…but…

"You want me to go to the scene and report on Lady Takada's death, don't you?" She numbly asked the man, biting her lip as he nodded. She nodded as well as she stood and hurriedly grabbed her coat and called her cameraman, telling him o their assignment as they now sped through Tokyo's streets, rushing to see the damage...

There was at least three other news stations already there when they arrived, but Emily didn't care as she saw the scene. Everything seemed to be on fire, the warmth almost seeming to lick at her face, almost welcoming her to hell as she remember another time there had been a building on fire and Mello involved- except, this time, no one would be rescued.

She stared at the destruction, disbelief and horror washing over her as she saw the flames flicker and rage, consuming any proof, any hope, that Mello could still be alive as snowflakes started to fall, dancing, to the earth. Inside of her head, she was screaming out in despair and anguish.

_'Some say the world will end in fire, _

_Some say, in ice...'_

She wanted to run to Mello, to find him, to make sure, but no. she still had to report, people were waiting to know...

No.

There was only one thing for her to do. She had no other choice in the universe. She had to go to him. Now! No matter what the risk was to herself. She almost started to run, to obey her desire, but the flames roared and kept her back, helpless and seemingly alone within the crowd of firefighters, news reporters and Takada's guard.

_'From what I've tasted of desire, _

_I hold with those who favor fire.' _

Her world narrowed to exclude everything but Mello as she now spotted him. She could now see his dark form sprawled on the ground at least ten feet away, his strong limbs burnt, and yet his face seemed untouched, unhurt. Was it possible that he had survived? _Oh, Mihael, I love you... _

She practically ran over to Mello's body, kneeling down next to him, pulling him up onto her lap, looking down at him, wincing and shuddering. She didn't care that her cameraman -and everybody else- was looking at her strange. They didn't know. Emily waved her fingers in front of his unseeing eyes. She muttered his name over and over as the snow kept gently falling, watching snowflakes stick in Mello's hair as they fell.

_'But if it had to perish twice, _

_I think I know enough of hate..._'

Emily leaned over Mello, trying to find a pulse. She felt no rise and fall of his chest, heard no heartbeat. _Oh Mello...why_?

Emily didn't look up as she realized that cameras were trained on her, didn't make a sound as she heard whispers and murmurs from the crowd. She was too scared to pay attention to the outside world. It was so weird to hear no sound. So awful. Impossible. It can't have actually happened.

"Mello, please. Be alive!" She whispered, holding back tears with all of her weakening strength as she felt her heart starting to break. "Remember what we said? Remember, Mel? We're together forever..." She knew that he was gone. She knew, but the concept kept slipping out of her grasp.

_This can't be happening. He can't be gone! _He'd only been alive just hours ago. So strong, so brave, so handsome, so determined. She could almost still see his smile, his cocky demeanor, and his eyes. She could still her him saying her name...

"No! No! No! I won't accept this!" She wanted to scream. She desired to, but she didn't. "Please say goodbye...at least that. Mello...why? WHY?" Emily bit her lip, finally looking up at the camera and faking a smile as she finally brought herself to speak. "Lady Kioymi Takada, the Kira spokeswoman for the past year, was kidnapped and killed today under mysterious circumstances. Her kidnapper, who I am holding, lead Takki's guard on a high speed pursuit after pretending to be a way for her to get to safety after a bomb was thrown at her this morning. The police have not identified him yet and his cause of death has also been unidentified. This is Shi Takashima reporting." The cameraman smiled reassuringly at her, giving her thumbs up as she finished, Emily feeling as if she had been lying throughout the whole thing...

She smiled back the best she could, wondering if anyone could see that she, too, had died. Inside. Where it mattered. Her heart was breaking savagely, twisting and turning, lacerating and crushing into tiny pieces. She whimpered quietly, glancing up at Halle as she felt a coat being draped around her shoulders. She bit her lip, holding back tears. She and Mello were supposed to be forever. 'We were made for each other'. This couldn't be the end. It just couldn't happen.

Could it?

_Could it?_

That was when Emily remembered what her mother had told her all those years ago about snowflakes as she looked at them now as they swirled around her... that snowflakes were kisses from your loved ones in heaven. _Kiss the snowflakes, Emmy_. Her mother had whispered, holding her up to the sky. _Return the kisses and love._

Emily did, kissing first a snowflake and then Mello's cold lips, smiling bitterly. Her own lips trembled as she closed her eyes and winced.

_'That for destruction, ice _

_Is also great, _

_And would suffice.' _

Emily bent her head down and finally began crying.


	20. Death's Wildflowers

Emily looked around her, suddenly remembering where she was or, at least, what she was doing. She was dreaming- dreaming as she watched her mother smile and her father pat her head, as she watched her big brother teach her how to play catch...as she watched herself getting hurt and lost, and Beyond finding her. She watched the memories flash past like pictures in a diary before they are ripped out and burned to protect the soul hidden there as only a tear streaked down her face. The last picture faded and she was left standing there, staring at the oblivion before she heard a voice.

_"They were nice, huh?"_ Emily looked up quickly, as if she was afraid that she'd miss the speaker, breathing easier with relief as she saw him.

Mello. Mello, with his trademark cockiness, his piercing azure eyes and his blond hair, was advancing towards her, the soft smirk on his face being the closest thing to a real smile he could ever get to as he looked at her. She felt a smile form on her face as he finally reached her, proud that she hadn't run to him, because she knew that if she had, she would never catch him, that he would always evade her grasp.

Mello came close- so wonderfully close- and kissed Emily on her mouth. He tasted so clean and sweet and so good. As always. Emily looked up into Mello's face, wondering why she was giving into her urge to hold his hands as her hands curled around his, holding on tight, hoping...Mello smiled indulgently, his blue eyes gleaming with reassurance. _"You should know not to hold on. You should know that you have to let go. If you don't...well...you already know." _Emily didn't listen- she was struggling to open her mouth, to tell him...what he didn't know, what he never was able to learn, who he never got to see.

Mello smiled at her again, the gleam leaving his eyes as he kissed her forehead before laughing, forcing Emily to listen to the gilded sound note for note, as the light of his eyes faded into the dark, oceanic color that she hated when she thought of Mello's real eye color. She watched in disbelief as his mouth whispered, _"Goodbye for now, Deathie...I'll see you soon, Em." _

Emily felt herself falling, falling and her grasp on Mello slip as she also felt splinters of ice pierce her skin as she saw for a second the death scene. Her eyes widened and she felt numb as she watched Mello die and her finding him once more. Suddenly, all feeling came back in a burst and she realized how much pain she was in. She watched Mello fade into the distance as she fell deeper into the black hole that seemed to never end. She covered her mouth with her hands, trying to keep in her tears as she fell and cried. _"No! No!"_ She now screamed, arms outstretched for Mello. _"Please come back, Mello! Don't leave me again! Please!_ _**Mihael**_!"

Emily burst out of the sleeping pill induced sleep as if she was being pulled up from the depths of the ocean. She wanted to resist reality, thinking instead of Mello, holding onto him. Pictures floated before her closed eyes; she heard his laughter, his voice. Saw his face, his eyes. Felt his hand on hers. _But that is all fake crap. Mello's dead. This isn't a fairytale with happy endings. This is the world- as Kira saw and made it, as he wished it to be. So sad, such a waste of potential, such a shame. _

The only thing that brought Emily back into reality was her little apartment's bedroom door creaking open and a small, sleepy eyed, black haired head poking in to see if she was awake. "Mama? Didja need something?" Her five-year-old son, Mihael, had his hand on the doorway as the other clutched a small teddy bear that once resembled Pooh to him as his blue eyes gazed at his mother reverently. He toddled over to her bed, allowing his mother to kiss his cheek as she hoisted him up, immediately snuggling into his "nest"-as he called his spot on Emily's bed- as he continued to look up at her, making Emily's heart squeeze as she realized- as she had before a million times- that Mello had given Mihael his eyes.

Emily sighed as she thought back to the months after Mello's death, to the days following. She could still picture her face when she had discovered that she was officially pregnant with Mihael- she had burst into tears in sheer horror. But she had gotten through it- she had always whispered that to herself as she had gone through the cravings and the sickness and the hormones that came with pregnancy. She had survived- but only because that she wanted to see Mello's child...and she had promised herself that she would love Mihael and take care of him until her last breath left her. Emily smiled as she stroked her child's head, whispering to him, "No, sweetie. Mama just had a bad dream. Everything is just fine, ok?" She stroked his black curls affectionately, her hand stilling when Mihael looked up at her and said with bluntness that only rivaled her own and Mello's, "But you called my name. You musta needed me for something, Mama."

Emily sighed, feeling like an idiot for forgetting that her child wasn't an ordinary five year old- he was far from it, inheriting his mother's need to skip two grades at a time and his father's need to succeed and intuition. She smiled a little, scooping Mihael up into her lap so that he was facing her as she said, "I was just really scared, honey. Besides, I didn't know that I was yelling- I didn't mean to wake you up." "You didn't wake me up, Mama- I was already awake." "Oh?" She looked into her son's eyes, surprised instead of angry. "Yeah. I was looking at pictures." "Of what?" "You when you were little and I when I was a baby. Mama," Mihael looked up at her, face solemn, "there's a boy with you in some of the pictures...and I found a picture of just him." "Oh?" Emily asked, feeling nervous. Mihael nodded before saying the words she had hoped he would never say: "Mama, who is Mello?"

Emily drew in a shuddering breath, not knowing what to say, how to explain to him about his father now. She wasn't ashamed of Mello- quite the opposite. She was just hoping that her pain would be gone, that her wounds would be healed, by the time Mihael wanted to know if he had a father. She heard herself say, "Mello was a special friend of mine when I was a teenager." "Oh." Mihael replied, flopping on his stomach before launching his next question of, "Why do you have his pictures?" Emily sighed and whispered to her son, "Because I secretly loved him. But shhh! Don't tell anyone!" "I won't, Mama. But did he lo-" "Shhh!" "Love you back?" Mihael whispered, smiling as his mother nodded. She returned the smile as she murmured, "We loved each other very much." "Is he my dad?" "...Yes, Mihael, he was." "Was?" "Your daddy...died just after I found out that God blessed me with you...I named you after him." "Oh..."

Mihael sat quietly for a moment before looking up at Emily and saying, "How did you meet? What was he like?" Emily trembled as she whispered, "I-it's time that you go back to bed. You have school in the morning." "Aww...Mama..." "It's way past your bedtime, Mihael-c'mon." Emily said, getting up and lifting Mihael, carrying him down the hall to his room, switching on the bedroom light so that she didn't trip on any clothes that were lying on the floor. ("I'll pick those up in the morning, Mama." Mihael promised as Emily stubbed her toe on one of his toy robots that was hiding under his blanket.) She plopped him on his bed and tucked him in, making sure that he was comfortable and wouldn't get up again, before reclaiming the photo albums that lay in a neat pile beside his bed. "Goodnight, sweetheart." Emily whispered, kissing his forehead and smoothing his curls as he lay down and closed his eyes obediently.

Emily closed Mihael's door softly as she left his room, sitting against it and sighing, her chin resting on her hands as her eyes bored a hole through the wall. She didn't know how to feel- happy that Mihael wanted to know about Mello? Or mortified because she didn't know how to describe what Mello had truly meant to her to their 5-year-old son? She didn't even know where to start. Emily hugged her knees, laid her head in her arms, hid her face and muffled her sobs as she let her confusion out in the only way she knew how- tears.

Mihael could hear his mother's tears and he knew- with a guilty pang that every child feels when they have distressed their mother- that his questions had caused her grief. He frowned, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration as he tried to think of a way to fix the problem. He got out of his bed, kneeling besides it, his tiny hands folding and resting on his bed as his mother had taught him and began to whisper to the dark. "Lord, Mama is sad; I think it has to do with Daddy being gone. I want to help Mama get happy- she tries oh so very hard to make sure that I'm happy and healthy; I want her to be happy now. Please help me make Mama smile- please. If you do, I'll be the happiest boy on earth, God. Amen." Mihael opened his eyes and nodded to himself, climbing back up into bed and falling asleep, his hand clutching the one picture that Emily hadn't seen ever- a hand drawn creation made with crayons with three people on it, one shorter than the others, each person labeled with a name- Mama,Mihael, and Daddy.

Mihael's prayers were answered a month later as Emily started to unlock her apartment door, chattering with Mihael, grocery bags in their arms as a woman, perhaps the same age as Emily, approached them. ''E-excuse me, Emily?" Emily looked up, her temporary smile shrinking by a molar or two as she replied, "Do I know you?" the woman smiled hesitantly, looking down at her hands as she mumbled, "You used to...It's me, Amy." "A-Amy?" Emily gasped, nearly dropping the bag she was holding. Mihael stood, interested as he watched his mother invite her old friend in. Amy smiled tentatively at Mihael as Emily shut the door behind the three, turning to her guest, slightly embarrassed. "Excuse the mess, please. We've been all over the place the last few weeks with it being just a couple weeks before Christmas. Do you want something to drink? I was just about to get Mihael his snack." It was then did Mihael remember that he was hungry- he had been so immersed in watching this scene unfold that he had forgotten that he had been begging for a snack minutes before.

"No, thanks. I just needed to drop something off quickly." "...Please have a seat. Here you go, Mihael." Emily mumbled, placing a plate with a few cookies on it, along with a glass of milk, in front of him before sinking into the chair next to him, watching Amy do the same. She wasn't sure what was about to happen, but for some reason, a sense of relief washed over her as she looked across the table at Amy, waiting. The red haired girl took a deep breath, reaching into her coat pocket and pulling out an envelope. "This is yours. I found it while I was cleaning up some of Matt's old ...gave it to him to give to you if he died. He didn't know that Matt... wouldn't make it." Emily saw, out of the corner of her eye, that Mihael had straightened up at the mention of his father's name. She sighed as she accepted the envelope, nodding with understanding as Amy mumbled, "I would've found it sooner, but...I just couldn't bring myself to go near his things until now." Emily nodded once more as she stood. "I'm glad that you found it. Thank you, Amy. It's always nice to see you." She smiled at her friend, noticing that her son's eyes were glued to the envelope as their guest stood as well. "And it's always lovely to see you doing well, Death. I-I meant..."

"...It's been so long since anyone has called me that. Do you want to stay for a bit? I can get you some coffee." Emily offered, absentmindly putting the envelope on the counter, promising herself that she'd read it later as Amy nodded. Mihael sighed with disappointment as he watched the two grownups go into the living room, leaving him alone in the kitchen. His eyes spied the white envelope, and he had the sudden urge to get it, to read it, to see what his father was like in words. After getting down from his chair, he dragged it over to the counter, hesitating to climb up as he looked to the living room. However, as he heard the whispers of his mother being choked with quiet tears, he made up his mind. Climbing up, he grabbed the envelope quietly, cautiously looking behind him to see if his mother had appeared. When he was satisfied that she was still in the living room, Mihael swiftly got down from the chair and ran to his bedroom, shutting the door and sprinting to his bed, getting on his knees to pull the box of pictures his mother had yet to confiscate, spreading the pictures Mello around him before opening the envelope quietly. He unfolded the thick page that formed a letter of regret with small, trembling fingers, his facial expression being a younger version of Mello's determined face as he finally found the start of the page.

Mihael took a deep breath before he started reading the letter aloud to himself, speaking in a whisper as he read, and reread the letter, trying to memorize his father's words by heart. He furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to figure out some of the words before making a mental note to ask his mother later, after she had read the letter herself. Thirty minutes later, Mihael could at least recite the two (lengthy) paragraphs of the letter by heart, which was good enough for him at this point. Creeping to his door and opening it a crack, he peeked out at the silent hallway, realizing that the guest had gone away and that his mother was on the couch, sobbing quietly to herself, as Mihael knew she always did. Tiptoeing up to his mother's form, he leaned over the arm of the sofa and kissed her on the forehead, smiling at her sadly as she looked up at him, surprised as she sat up, embarrassed.

"Hi, Mihael...Did you need something, honey?" Emily asked, looking slightly shocked as Mihael handed her the letter, looking up at his mother solemnly as he declared, "Can you read Daddy's letter?" Emily gaped at her son as he helped her unfold the creased paper since her fingers were trembling too much. "Please, mama? Please?" Mihael looked at her as tears slipped down her cheeks, determined to help his mother get her heart back together. And with a pale face, his mother began to utter Mello's words through trembling lips.

_Dear Emily, _

_If you're reading this, it means that I'm gone...and you're possibly alone. I hope that...I didn't make your life unbearable, and that you managed to live and find love without me holding back. Heh...I don't think I'll ever forget the look in your eyes when you first walked into Wammy's- you had a fire, a glint of sharp glass that seemed to be lit with determination...you weren't going to break then, in front of strangers. You were possibly the only one who fascinated me at all, even more so then trying to beat Near. You have always confused and amazed me- from the first time we met to when we met again. I never expected to see you again after you ran away from Wammy's that day... I still regret it, and my behavior was...ugh... I hope that you forgave me for that...and all the other shit I put you through since the day I saved you from that gang. _

_I never fully understood you, but...somehow, you understood me perfectly- you knew what I was thinking, and you kept me from getting into even more trouble than I did. It wasn't until the very end did I realize that. And I want you to know that even though I wasn't anywhere close to it, you made me feel like I was actually the winner. Thank you...for everything...your love especially...\par_

_Sincerely, _

_Mihael Keehl _

Mihael looked to his mother, patting her hand as he saw that tears were pouring faster down her face as he helped her whisper the postscript.

_P.S: If you have a child, because of me, it's just God's way of telling you...that you don't have to cry anymore._

_Love, _

_Mello _

Emily let out a gasp as she read the line to herself, turning quickly to Mihael, seeing her son's gaze still lingering on the page. He looked up at her now, his wide innocent eyes reflecting his father's in so many ways that amazed and overwhelmed Emily all at once. In a flash, she was on her feet, Mihael in her arms as she planted kisses on his face, crying in both pain and happiness, reminding her of the night her child was made and she had cried in the same way. But now... things were different. Emily suddenly got a longing, a desire, a NEED to reveal to her son his father, their life together, everything she had hidden from him and more. Putting him down, she ran for their mudroom, pulling their winter coats off the hooks and their boots off the floor. Mihael followed and watched, curiosity urging him to ask, "What are you doing, mama?"

His response came as Emily helped him with his outdoor wear, zipping up his coat as she whispered, "We're going to see your daddy. It's his birthday." She pulled on her coat and shoes, holding tightly onto Mihael's hand as they exited the apartment and stepped onto the sidewalk, the cold New York air hitting their faces and the Christmas lights reminding them that it was December, and only a week or two from celebrating a savior's birth. Emily picked up her son and ran with him in her arms, guarding him from the city crowds and being trampled by shoppers as she looked for a simple convenience store to buy at least one thing before visiting Mello's grave...

"Chocolate?" Mihael asked as he watched his mother buy a bar of the candy, feeling his excitement mount as she nodded and smiled for the first real time in a long time. He grinned back, pulling his mother out the door, not waiting to hear the tiny bell tinkle as they exited, jumping up and down anxiously as his mother hailed a taxi expertly. Emily simpered at his excitement, helping her son into the cab and asking to be taken to the cemetery. Mihael remained quiet for the whole ride, holding his breath, anxiously fidgeting until his mother patted his curls, whispering, "It's o.k." Mihael calmed as the taxi pulled up to the cemetery gate, quickly scooting out as his mother paid the driver.

"It's this way, Mihael. Come on." Emily felt her son's hand curl tightly around her's as they walked past beautiful headstones and plain urns alike. She gulped as they approached the plot that housed only Mello for the time being, watching her son's face stay slightly impassive as he surveyed the grave before looking at Emily and saying with childlike simplicity, "Can I scrub the headstone?" She let out a grateful sigh as she nodded, watching her son do said task, she herself arranging the flowers that had begun to sprout around the gravestone before both the son and mother placed the cocoa candy on the headstone, their fingers lingering as Emily looked to the sky, wishing that she could see Mello. She closed her eyes as she thought of those precious gems of memories that she had acquired from Mello.

"Mama?" Mihael looked to the clouds, searching for his father as he murmured, "Please tell me your story. Tell me the story of daddy and you." Emily opened her eyes and glanced over, her glance being the direction from which laughter was coming from. She found the source to be a thirteen year old blond boy, his laughter and arrogance showing as he teased a girl a year younger than him, her raven curls falling on the thick Tolstoy in her lap as she first tried a stuttery defense before getting infuriated and closing the novel with a clap, slamming the book on the boy's head. Emily smiled as she watched them, remembering...and thinking of Mello and her at that age. She took a deep breath, pulled Mello into her arms...and her story began again.

She knew, that somewhere, Mello was smiling proudly as she gazed at the wildflowers that were scattered across his grave, and realizing that they belonged to Death...they belonged to her... Just like his love.

* * *

Whoo! It's finished! I'm so happy! And yet...it's sad... It feels as if Emily was my child- it's hard to watch her grow up and deal with Mello on her own. Therefore...

Thanks to all who stayed with Emily on this ride of her's! I feel indebted to all who read this story and who may go on to read Emily's complete story, which will come in my story "Nameless" and a collection of one shots that never made it into the story.

So thank you again, and I hope that you all have a wonderful new year that's filled with stories.


	21. Just an alert to you all

Hey guys- I know it's been way too long since I've last posted. I'm adding this little "chapter" (more like an alert) to let you all know that for one thing, if you all miss the Emily and Mello story, I have several prequels waiting for you. There's (titles italicized):

_Nameless_, which is Emily's main back-story before Wammy's. There is Mello cameos, so don't worry, but Beyond Birthday is a major figure in this one. For all those with burning questions on the pre- Wammy's days, and more history behind Emily's flashbacks in "Death's Wildflowers".

And then there is also:

_A Better Resurrection_- This is the Wammy's days account from both Emily's and Mello's perspectives (kinda). It hints at more of a connection between the two than I implied in the main story- this is in part because I planned for this story here to be a group of oneshots. But it decided otherwise. Still, it's a good for fun read, and it answers some of your guys' requests. (Here's looking at Navi-at- Heart, in particular.)

Irregardless, happy reading J


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